Farrah Abraham got rejected by Playboy. Twice.

Playboy

If there's one thing I know about the natural life-cycle of the MTV reality famewhore, it's that near the end of its life cycle, it will try to prolong the inevitable slide into irrelevance by posing for Playboy. Remember Heidi Montag? Of course you don't, because the universe retroactively erased her and her doucheface husband from existence. Anyway, Farrah Abraham decided to follow in her predecessor's footsteps by applying to Playboy, only to MORE

Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris’ wedding is back on

Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris

Remember Crystal Harris? She was that Playboy Playmate who backed out of her wedding to Hugh Hefner at the last minute, then spent every waking hour afterwards bad-mouthing him. So of course they're getting married because this sounds like a healthy, loving relationship. LA Times reports: The 86-year-old and the 26-year-old are allegedly engaged again and aiming to say their vows on New Year's Eve, sources told TMZ over the weekend. Apparently MORE

Hugh Hefner’s son beat his Playmate girlfriend

Marston Hefner and Claire Sinclair

Because the theme of this Valentine's Day posts are apparently "domestic abuse", here's another story about how Hugh Hefner's son, Marston Hefner, beat his girlfriend, Playmate of the Year Claire Sinclair. Ain't love grand? And by love, I mean "a petty, childish dependence" and by grand I mean "potentially lethal and morally repugnant". TMZ reports: Law enforcement sources tell TMZ ... cops were called to the pad Marston shares with Sinclair MORE

Hugh Hefner: Playboy will turn Lindsay’s career around!

Hugh Hefner and Lindsay Lohan

With Lindsay Lohan's new Playboy magazine issue selling through the roof (... or is it?), Hugh Hefner has decided to go on the record and say that this is the moment where Lindsay's career will finally turn around, because apparently showing your boobs for like fifth time somehow translates into coveted movie roles. I don't know, just go with it I guess? People reports: "I had mixed emotions to begin with," he said. "I could not have MORE

Crystal Harris keeps on digging for gold!

Crystal Harris

After seeing Holly Madison rake in money and attention by insuring her $2 boobs for $1 Million (truly a sound investment, if you're trying to lose all your money) Crystal Harris has decided to hop onto the selling out tacky useless shit bandwagon by hawking the engagement ring Hugh Hefner gave her to let him slap his wrinkled penis against her forehead. Picture it ... aaaaaaaaand you know what hell is like. Via TMZ: A diamond isn't always MORE

Crystal Harris: Hugh lasted two seconds!

Hugh Hefner and Crsytal Harris

Continuing in the long-standing tradition of gold diggers talking to the media in order to keep themselves from having to get a real job, Crystal Harris decided to go on Sirius XM's Howard Stern Show to talk about her sex life with Hugh Hefner and- HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRG! Oh God ... oh God, I'm sorry, I just ... vomited a liBLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Damn you to hell, Crystal! Talk about a low blow. After dumping Hugh Hefner just days before MORE

Crystal Harris “loves” Hugh Hefner!

Heidi Montag and Crystal Harris

Because apparently, marrying a famewhoring douchebag for the sake of a shitty reality show that got canceled makes someone an expert on romance, Heidi Montag told Ryan Seacrest that Crystal Harris still loves Hugh Hefner. Yeah, I'm sure that's why he left him days before the wedding then pawned the ring off. Nothing says "I love you!" like capitalizing off your failed wedding. “She knows what’s right for her life and it’s her life and MORE

Hugh Hefner has a new girlfriend, Shera Bechard!

Hugh Hefner and Shera Bechard

And by girlfriend, I mean ... oh screw it, you know what I mean. Anyway, about a week after getting dumped by Crystal Harris so that she could mine for gold in some other olden hills, playboy Hugh Hefner has apparently moved onto a new famewhore called Shera Bechard (Playboy magazine's Miss November 2010), which is probably for the best because I know his gift certificate to Hoes 'N Thangs expires next week. I know, don't you hate it when that MORE

Hugh Hefner is also gonna be just fine!

Anna Sophia Berglund and Hugh Hefner

While Crystal Harris surrounds herself with stupid blonde whores, Hugh Hefner's been off surrounding himself with stupid blonde whores, because now that I think about it, these two were meant for each other. Anyway, despite only being dumped last week, Hugh Hefner is already dating another Playboy bunny. HA! And they made fun of him when he bought a back-up skank ... well who's laughing now, suckas?! According to our sources, Hef has a new MORE

Links: Hugh Hefner’s seal of disapproval!

Crystal Harris - Playboy Magazine

• New couple Jennifer Aniston and cutie Justin Theroux aren't wasting any time! Dlisted • Oprah Winfrey really wants O.J. Simpson to finally admit to being a murderer! PopEater • Angelina Jolie takes Pax, Maddox, Zahara, Shiloh, and the twins out to play! PopSugar • Blake Lively is a little too amped up in these pics from the red carpet ... CityRag • Does Suri Cruise have a $100,000 treehouse with electricity and shag MORE

Crystal Harris left Hugh Hefner over second thoughts?

Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris

Now that the dust has more or less settled and everyone has come down from the initial shock of another blonde gold-digging whore refusing to marry an old guy because he didn't have enough money, Crystal Harris is now telling anybody who will listen that she actually just had second thoughts about marrying Hugh Hefner (money), that it was a mutual agreement (money) and that she wants some peace (money). "For a while, I'd been having second MORE

Five Things Wrong: Crystal Harris’ new Playboy cover!

Crystal Harris - Playboy Magazine

So in what is easily the worst timing ever, Crystal Harris' new Playboy magazine cover has leaked onto the Internet the day after she and Hugh Hefner announced their wedding was off. And what it lacks in foresight, is makes up for in sheer, pure, unadulterated awkwardness. Don't believe me? See for yourself. #1: Whoever the hell decided it would be hot to dress a 25-year-old woman as an 85-year-old man? You are a sex criminal now. You wouldn't MORE

Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris’ wedding is off!

Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris

Shockingly, the engagement between the 85-year-old womanizing millionaire and the 25-year-old whore fell through yesterday, after it was revealed that Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris called off their upcoming wedding, which was going to take place this upcoming weekend. If I had to guess why, it's probably because she's a dumbass gold-digger who didn't want his octogenarian balls on her chin and he thinks woman are basically all just Fleshjacks MORE

Hugh Hefner thinks he’s 20!

Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris

So as we edge ever closer to Hugh Hefner's signing away his entire fortune to a 25-year-old gold-digger wedding to Crystal Harris, Hef decided to open up about his relationship and how he's "consistent" because he's still banging women in their 20's just like when he was younger. The only difference is that now they're only dating him for his money while simultaneously trying not to vomit every time his tube-sock-full-of-mashed-potatoes touches MORE