Yeah, remember when I said Justin Bieber‘s haircut would sap him of his stranglehold on the delusional, teenage masses? Well it turns out I was actually right: Justin is apparently ass-deep in fan hysteria over the loss of his feminine locks, and he’s just brushing those bitches off his shoulder.

“I was inspired by yours!” Bieber joked to Ellen DeGeneres. He admitted to the comic that fans were freaking out — via Twitter and other mediums — about the hair change-up. Retorted the Never Say Never star: “I was like, ‘I don’t really care.’” SOURCE

Actually, when you consider that the tamest response to Justin’s new hairdo involve suicidal tendencies and murderous thoughts towards his girlfriend, Selena Gomez, I can’t see this ending any other way than Beelebieber’s heart being pierced by a silver stake … well, just as soon as his fans find and destroy the seven seals that safeguard his deadly powers. Hey, I was right once, I can be right again.

If you’ve never read the Bible (and chances are you haven’t; There are some good parts about loving people and turning the other cheek, but like 90% of it is FUCKING INSANE), there’s a story in it about a king named Samson was tricked by his wife Delilah into cutting his hair, which made him lose all his power apparently. Anyway, Justin Bieber got his hair cut, which I’m guessing will severely cripple his hold over delusional, batshit insane little girls.

Bieber unveiled his new haircut on TMZ Live on Monday afternoon, providing during and after images that may make teenager girls cry. And teenage guys go out and have to get new haircuts. His explanation? “I just wanted a kind of a change, I didn’t want to cut it all off, but I had had it for 3 1/2 years, I had just gotten sick of it, it was in my eyes, I didn’t want it in my face, I just wanted to change it up.” SOURCE

While I’m sure the massive crowd of nutjob teens on Twitter will probably go something like “OHMYGOD WHATEVUR I STILL LOVE HIM LOLZ OMG i will kill selena gomez with a shovel”, let’s face it: All his demonic powers were in his hair. Cutting it off has robbed him of power, just like how breaking up the Jonas Brothers made them fade into obscurity. Sweet, sweet obscurity.

PHOTOS | TMZ