Ray Rice: Suspended by the NFL–indefinitely!

Ray Rice

Anyone who knows me, even in the passing sense, knows that I have zero knowledge of football. None whatsoever. But I do know that Ray Rice is an jerk who was caught beating his (then-fiancee) wife Janay Palmer–which the NFL basically turned a blind eye to because $$$. Anyway, the good news is that after massive public backlash combined with today's release of a shocking tape showing how the assault went down, Rice has been cut from the Ravens MORE

So the Super Bowl was last night …

Beyoncé

Men threw an egg-shaped ball up and down a field a bunch of times until time was up and then someone got shiny metal. AMERICA! Here are all the the little parts that mattered, because like hell am I going to spend energy on this above the bare minimum required: The Baltimore Ravens won 34-31 over the San Francisco 49ers. If that means anything to you, it's probably because you either won or lost a lot of money on it. Although I do have a MORE