Vanessa Hudgens: I was eating white chocolate, not drugs!

So over the weekend, Vanessa Hudgens was photographed at Coachella completely tripping balls and dipping her finger into a baggie in her purse, pulling out a white substance that she ate off her finger like it was Jon Hamm‘s dick. Of course, everyone assumed it was a drug called “Molly” because, let’s face it, the girl looked like she was one rolled-up hundred dollar bill away from giving away handjobs for coke behind the port-a-potties, but her rep is now claiming it was actually just melted white chocolate. Which sort of begs the question: Who keeps white chocolate in a dimebag in the desert?

Vanessa Hudgens was the subject of fresh web rumors on Monday — thanks to confusing new snaps taken of her over the weekend at the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival in Indio, Calif. Hudgens, 22, was photographed reaching in a small bag and licking a mysterious white substance off of her fingers. Drugs? Nope. A rep for the Sucker Punch starlet told E! News that the creamy stuff was actually melted white chocolate. SOURCE

First off, I feel really old right now because I actually had to go on Twitter to ask what Molly was because I don’t touch drugs. Thanks to reader @OneEyedJuliet for doing the research for me and telling me that it’s basically powdered E. Anyway, now to my point: There’s no way that was white chocolate. Hell, as long as it’s in moderation I don’t care what she puts in her body. That being said, I’d probably respect her more if she just came out and said something like “I was at Coachella, of course I did drugs.” Or better yet, she could have just pulled out a picture of Zac Efron and said “I had to pretend to date this for four years and not once did he stick his penis in me. I DESERVE THIS, YOU BITCHES!”

Vanessa Hudgens

Bruno Mars got a plea deal for cocaine!

Oh look, someone other than Lindsay Lohan or Charlie Sheen getting busted for cocaine. How quaint. Anyway, Bruno Mars, the most annoyingly vanilla man on the radio, got a plea deal for a cocaine bust from last year, which means he won’t have to do jail time. This is what lawyers refer to as ‘The Lohan Defense’.

As TMZ first reported, Mars and the Clark County D.A. struck a deal in which Mars would plead guilty to possession of a controlled substance, but the charge will be expunged from his record if he stays out of trouble for the next 12 months. Mars was in court today with his lawyers, Blair Berk and David Chesnoff, when his plea deal was put on record. He’ll officially enter his plea in district court. He will then have to complete 200 hours of community service. It all becomes official on his next court date, February 14. SOURCE

There is of course a valid reason I beat Charlie and Lindsay upside the head for doing coke while letting this douchebag slide: He doesn’t have a vagina There were no hookers involved Because Bruno Mars is the most unfortunate looking man I’ve ever seen. I’m sorry but he looks like a Boston terrier. A Boston Terrier that makes whiney, bland pop songs and wear fedoras.

Yeah, about Charlie Sheen’s rehab stay …

Whoops! Did I say Charlie Sheen was in rehab? I meant the exact opposite of that. Turns out Charlie never went to rehab and has no plans on going either, which means he can now torpedo his own show from the comfort of his own home while he tries to snort hookers and fuck cocaine. That wasn’t a mix-up. He has literally progressed to that level of addiction.

“He’s getting treatment done at home,” a source tells UsMagazine.com of the troubled TV star. “He’s doing rehab there.” (A TMZ source confirms that Sheen is being treated at home.) “In compliance with the national health privacy laws (HIPPA), no further information relating to Charlie Sheen’s health or his rehab experience will be released without his written permission,” his rep tells Us in a statement. “I can say that all of us who know Charlie care about him very much. We will support him in any we can in this journey, beginning by respecting his privacy.” SOURCE

Yeah, this has gotta be a huge kick in the ass for Lindsay Lohan. If you want to prove to someone that gender inequality is very real, consider this: Lindsay snorted a little blow here and there? No career. Charlie literally tries to eat a briefcase full of cocaine and build a mansion made out of pornstar titties, we give him $1.8 Million per episode. Susan B. Anthony weeps for this.

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