TelevisionBytes of the Week: Revenge, Glee, Idol, DWTS, and more!

TelevisionBytes

With all this upfront talk dominating the television conversation over the past three weeks, it’s hard to remember that it’s actually finale time! This week, we said goodbye to the last slew of shows (Revenge! Awake!), and hello to the first bits of summer TV (SYTYCD! Duets!). Here’s how it all played out: OMG you guys! Did you see that Revenge finale. Holy shit. HOLY SHIT!!!! What a satisfying, wonderful, breath-taking season finale MORE

The winner of ‘Dancing with the Stars’ is …

Donald Driver

Green Bay Packers wide receiver Donald Driver! But you either already knew that because you actually watch Dancing with the Stars, or you didn't because you're either rabidly devoted to this show or you don't really care but are kind of interested who wins. Us Weekly reports: Finally, it was time to announce the winner. The judges' scores were combined with fan votes and William Levy came in third place. "It was an amazing experience," he MORE

The new cast of ‘Dancing With The Stars’

Dancing With The Stars

I can hardly feign my excitement. Anyway, a new-crop of has-beens and never-weres have been lined up to try and dance their way into Americas hearts and minds on ABC's Dancing With The Stars, as they're picked off one by one by an unfeeling population. Weeeeee. Us Weekly reports: -- Melrose Place actor Jack Wagner, 52, will dance with Anna Trebunskaya -- Little House on the Prairie actress Melissa Gilbert, 47, will dance with Maksim MORE

J.R. Martinez wins ‘Dancing With The Stars’!

J.R. Martinez and Karina Smirnoff

When given the choice between a war veteran whose face was badly scarred defending his country and a famewhore sibling with a fat ass, America finally made the right choice and voted J.R. Martinez as the winner of Dancing with the Stars over Rob Kardashian, but not before everyone just kinda sorta forgot that Ricki Lake existed. Sorry Ricki! Us Weekly reports: The 28-year-old veteran and actor beat out Rob Kardashian and Ricki Lake for the MORE

Everyone on DWTS hates Kim Kardashian!

Kim and Rob Kardashian

Quick! What does Rob Kardashian do? HA! Trick question. He does absolutely nothing. He's got a famous last name and that's the only reason you're aware he exists. Except he's on Dancing with the Stars for some reason, probably because they needed to nepotism someone in there to fill the quota. See how that works? Anyway, in a bid to save her brother, Kim Kardashian cheated her fans into voting him onto the show by saying that the phone number to MORE

Cher told DWTS to suck it!

Cher and Chaz Bono

So last night, our beloved Chaz Bono was shown the door on Dancing with the Stars, which is kind of sad because we liked him, but at the same time, he wasn't exactly the best dancer in the world, sooooooo ... meh, I guess it sorta balances itself out into fairness. Anyway, mama Cher didn't appreciate it and proceeded to pull out a doll and point to which parts of her ass they could kiss. @Cher: But your mom "could cut a bitch" ! Thank u Carrie MORE

Cher showed up to ‘Dancing with the Stars’

Cher

Good news everyone! Remember how last week Cher promised that if her son Chaz Bono made it through to the next round, she would show up to the next episode of Dancing with the Stars? Well after giving Kristin Cavallari das boot (side note: HA!) Cher made good on her promise and showed up to cheer on Chaz, which probably marks the first time an actual star was on the show. I know, I'm surprised too. The Huffington Post reports: But Cher did get MORE

Nancy Grace let another one slip …

Nancy Grace

Well, I think we found this season's Bristol Palin. Nancy Grace used last night's episode of Dancing With The Stars to embarrass herself further by letting another one slip last night. Only instead of a boob, this time she allegedly ripped a huge fart on camera and holy crap this is simultaneously the grossest and funniest thing ever. Here's TMZ with the toot: BREAKING WIND NEWS -- Nancy Grace claims she's been FRAMED in the Dancing with the MORE

Are Kristin Cavallari and Jay Cutler back together?

Jay Cutler, Kristin Cavallari and Mark Ballas

Because two exes can't be in the same room together without completely forgetting why it is they broke up in the first place (hint: It's because they hate each other) Kristin Cavallari and Jay Cutler are rumored to be back together after Jay was spotted cheering her on during a taping of Dancing with the Stars. Because apparently, Jay has as much backbone as he does chin. Access Hollywood reports: “On the first night, you were talking about MORE

Elisabetta Canalis got booted from ‘Dancing with the Stars’

Elisabetta Canalis

Good news everyone! Chaz Bono is still on Dancing with the Stars! And even better news: Elisabetta Canalis, who you might know from being Clooney's former piece and absolutely nothing else, finally got kicked off the show for being a terrible dancer. You know you suck at dancing when Nancy Grace can show her nipple and still come off as more watchable than you. The Huffington Post reports: The Italian actress who romanced George Clooney has MORE

Did Nancy Grace’s nipple slip?

Nancy Grace

So despite the cadre of celebrity tits on this season of Dancing with the Stars, the first celebrity to allegedly slip a nip was Nancy Grace, she of the perpetual bitchface (or maybe she's just constantly smelling farts? Who knows.) Anyway, Nancy is now swearing up and down that she never let her areola fly out of her dress and OH GOD THE IMAGE IS IN MY HEAD AND IT WON'T COME OUT. TMZ reports: Nancy Grace is adamant ... her nip did NOT slip on MORE

New Couple Alert: Mark Ballas and Kristin Cavallari?

Mark Ballas and Kristin Cavallari

I swear to God, there's one of these every year ... anyway, because it's just not a season of Dancing with the Stars until Mark Ballas sticks his disco stick in one of the contestants, the rumors going around now are saying that Mark and Kristin Cavallari are a thing now. Via People: "That s––t's already started," Ballas, 25, who recently split from American Idol alum Pia Toscano, told People on Tuesday of rumblings that he and his Dancing MORE

Chaz Bono can actually dance!

Chaz Bono and Lacey Schwimmer

Last night was the premiere of Dancing with the Stars, and we finally go a chance to see Chaz Bono’s dancing skills. And it turns out, he has some pretty good moves. I mean, yeah, he still has a bit of work to do, but he has the footwork down and actually looked like he was enjoying himself (with pro partner Lacey Schwimmer), as opposed to Elisabetta Canalis, who is to dance what a date rapist is to foreplay. But whatever, chances are MORE

Cher surprises Chaz Bono on Ellen!

Chaz Bono and Ellen DeGeneres

As many of you already know, for the upcoming season of Dancing With The Stars (premiering next Monday, 9/19) I'm totally Team Chaz Bono. It's such a brave move on his part to partake in the competition as the first transgendered person to compete on the show. I think it's completely ridiculous that some very narrow-minded people are planning to boycott the show, so I'll be doing everything in my power to help Chaz remain on the show. Plus I MORE