Scary Movie 5: Lindsay Lohan AND Charlie Sheen!

Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan

Because the only thing less timely than a Black Swan spoof is a bunch of Charlie Sheen jokes, he of the perpetual drug-induced frenzy has signed on to star in Scary Movie 5. And in what I'm sure is just a total coincidence, Lindsay Lohan has also signed on, so I'm just going to go ahead and assume that half of the script is just snorting while Ashley Tisdale fires her agent. E! Online reports ... Maybe being the next Anna Faris is just what MORE

Charlie Sheen isn’t a fan of ‘Two and a Half Men’

Charlie Sheen

They say hindsight is 20/20, although I'm not sure how accurate that is when you've taken so many drugs through your eyeballs that you cry heroin tears. Anyway, now that Charlie Sheen has been off Two and a Half Men for a while and he can finally get some distance between himself and what is objectively a shitty show, Charlie has finally seen the light and realized that Two and a Half Men was actually always just a really shitty show, that his MORE

The ‘Jersey Shore’ cast: Least desirable celebrity neighbors

Jersey Shore

Since there are only a little more than three days left until the end of the year, it's time for everyone to make lists! Lists! Lists out the freaking wa-zoo! Anyway, a real estate site called Zillow just published their list of the celebrities that people would least like to live next to, and what a surprise, the cast of the Jersey Shore is first, followed by Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan and Kim Kardashian. Notice a pattern here? For the MORE

Charlie Sheen got $25 Million for getting fired?

Charlie Sheen

I know, I know, I declared a moratorium on all things Charlie Sheen a while ago, but it seems the guy has sobered up and apparently has no plans on having that overdose that we can all see coming around the corner so since I’m sure he won’t be dying any time soon, it’s okay to make jokes on the Internet about him. Anyway, after literally daring his boss to fire him and then imploding in an orgy of cheap gold-diggers and crystal MORE

Charlie Sheen got roasted!

Charlie Sheen

Despite the fact that the Charlie Sheen bandwagon has more or less broken down, spontaneously combusted, had its fire pissed out, and was sold to a scrap metal factory for two buttons and some lint, Comedy Central figured that now was the opportune time to host a roast of Charlie, I'm guessing so that we can all finally hear the five jokes that haven't been run into the ground about a violent, abusive, drug-addicted nutjob. Below, a few of said MORE

Links: Bree Olson on Charlie’s secret sex life!

Bree Olson - Playboy Magazine

• Guess who posted a nude pic to show her Twitter fans how healthy she looks? Tabloid Prodigy • Are Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie finally going to tie the knot this summer? Dlisted • Lynne Spears takes a dip with her grandkids and shows off her swimsuit body! PopSugar • Justin Theroux met secretly with his ex to apologize for dating Jennifer Aniston? Cele|bitchy • Lindsay Lohan is angry over not being considered to star in MORE

Brooke Mueller does not understand comedy!

Brooke Mueller and Charlie Sheen

Just days after the final, remaining joke about Charlie Sheen had been made, Comedy Central decided to roast him which is sort of like jumping on the bandwagon after the band has already died from drug overdoses and auto-erotic asphyxiation. Anyway, Brooke Mueller has decided to get in on this by declaring that they can make fun of everyone but her, because as we all know, that's how comedy works. Sources close to Mueller tell TMZ ... she MORE

Well played, Denise Richards!

Denise Richards

Following in the footsteps of Sandra Bullock, Denise Richards adopted (what my former editor Stacey once dubbed) a 'revenge baby', which is a little baby that you love and cherish out of the goodness of your heart and just to spite your evil worm of an ex. Maybe I'm reading too far into it, you say? Well, consider this: Denise named her newly adopted baby girl after The Plaza Hotel New York's suite Eloise which Charlie Sheen destroyed after he MORE

Ashton Kutcher to replace Charlie Sheen on ‘Two and a Half Men’!

Ashton Kutcher

Because apparently, Chuck Lorre doesn't realize that when your show's star leaves amidst a giant clusterfuck of cocaine, dead hookers and petty, impotent, self-important rage, that's God's way of telling you that your show sucks and it needs to be off the air, not only is Two and a Half Men still not canceled, but they've decided the best way to revitalize the show is by having it center around a character played by (I shit you not) Ashton MORE

Links: Charlie Sheen’s sex doll sells out?!

Charlie Sheen Sex Doll

• 45 McDonald’s items currently not available in the U.S. that should be ... BuzzFeed • Angelina Jolie and Jack Black reunite for a Kung Fu Panda 2 photo op! PopSugar • Courteney Cox says David Arquette can’t hug her without getting a boner! Cele|bitchy • Post-It notes are Demi and Ashton’s secret to a successful marriage? Socialite Life • Pregnant singer Pink and husband Carey Hart enjoyed a romantic afternoon Bricks MORE

Betty White is sick of your crap!

Betty White

So last Friday, Betty White gave an interview to the Daily Mail where she called out Lindsay Lohan and a certain unmentionable person that will never grace the pages of PopBytes again unless he dies or goes to rehab (balls in your court, douchebag!). She basically said that they were unprofessional losers who partied harder than they worked. Of course, Lindsay has all the self-awareness and sense of responsibility of a leftover ham sandwich, so MORE

FitnessBytes: Charlie Sheen’s rock body!

Charlie Sheen

Well, well, well ... it seems Charlie Sheen is full of surprises. I expected the typical crack flab (skinny fat) underneath those ridiculous Hawaiian shirts, but this bitch is buff! Winning? Hardly. We all know Charlie is a walking cesspool of drugs and porn star germs. The exterior may look impressive for a man his age but nobody I know would hit that, unless it was with their car. People are often wrapped up in the result rather than the MORE

About Charlie Sheen …

Charlie Sheen

There's a certain moment in every adult's life when they realize that while they can do whatever they want, they probably shouldn't. When I first moved out of my parents house, I realized I could finally lie around eating Pop-Tarts for every meal and no one could tell me otherwise. And then I realized I wasn't eight-years-old and I stopped. However, some people never learn this lesson. Charlie Sheen is one of those people. Which brings me to MORE

51 minutes of Charlie Sheen? No thanks!

Charlie Sheen

Oh my word, I am so damn sick of hearing about Charlie Sheen and his fucked up ways, but obviously a lot of people aren't quite there yet (It was semi-funny at first but not anymore). Now he has his own web show on UStream called Sheen's Korner, broadcasted out of his Sherman Oaks home. Last night was the first show and lasted for fifty-one minutes, if you're a glutton for punishment, you can watch the entire broadcast below. After all his MORE