Box Office: Guardians of the Galaxy–top-grossing film of 2014

Chris Pratt

Every Monday, I usually do a quick thing on the top five movies at the box office, except that this week, we had the exact same top three as the week before. Seriously. The only major change was that Parisian hell movie making it to fourth, but other than that, it's pretty much the same as last week. So instead, let's switch gears and talk about Guardians of the Galaxy. Specifically, that Guardians has just become the biggest movie of the year, MORE

Box Office: ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’–Summer’s Top Movie!

Guardians of the Galaxy

We have one more week before we're out of August and into September, and while you ponder the slow, unstoppable progression of time and how it slowly steals away our mortality, as a candle burns through wax, we have some good news: According to BoxOfficeMojo, Guardians of the Galaxy is officially the highest-grossing movie of the summer! Take that, existential dread! It climbed back to number one with a $17.6 Million weekend, and it might MORE

Box Office: Turtles, Raccoons, Cops, and old dudes–oh my!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

According to BoxOfficeMojo, America again said "YES!" to seeing a bunch of off-brand Shreks reenact what they think is a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie to the tune of $28.4 Million. To be fair, Cracked posited that the rise of the big flashy-crashy-boom-boom summer blockbusters overseas could be promoting a global unity over shared movie experiences, which could create a more peaceful international existence. Either that or Michael Bay just MORE

Box Office: Another ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ movie

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Full confession time: When I was a kid, we had Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III on VHS. This was the one where they somehow teleported back in time to feudal japan. We watched it until the tape broke. I bring this up because, looking back on it now, the movie was stupid. It made no sense. But we watched it because we were kids and we couldn't tell when we were being spoonfed an incredibly dumb Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. Which brings me MORE

Box Office: Welcome our new raccoon overlords!

Guardians of the Galaxy

For the first time in a while, I actually went out to see a major Hollywood blockbuster during its opening weekend yesterday. We had to wait in line for like an hour, but still. Worth it. Anyway, BoxOfficeMojo reports that Guardians of the Galaxy took the top spot, surprise surprise, with an opening of $94 Million. It's also apparently the biggest August opening ever, and you know what? Completely deserved it. Raccoons with machine guns. Worth MORE

Box Office: Lucy! Hercules! Plus Monkeys, Planes and Stuff

Lucy

What's funny about last weekend's box office is that the two main releases, Lucy and Hercules, were really cut from the same cloth: Both were big loud action movies that so lovingly embraced the conventions they were in that they ended up turning into brilliantly entertaining little nuggets of cinema. But ultimately, Lucy wound up winning this weekend with a $44 Million opening, which is what happens when you give director Luc Besson room to do MORE

Box Office: Dawn Of The Sex Tape Of The Planes: Anarchy

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

According to BoxOfficeMojo, America went to the theatres for a second week in a row, saw the poster for Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, and said "yes please to that again!" to the tune of $36 Million. Consequently, there was also a period of time where people would pay out the ass for anything with monkeys in it to the point where every single comic had at least one gorilla-feuled storyline, and we seem to be in its resurgence. I guess what I'm MORE

Box Office: Apes beat out Transformers

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

True story: The other day, I was on a pad thai binge after a day of work, and I'm pretty sure I ate enough to fill a bucket. Literally a bucket of pad thai. I was bloated, aching, and supremely ashamed of myself for not being able to recognize my own personal limitations, and as soon as I got home I hate half a pint of Ben & Jerry's Coffee Toffee Crunch. I guess what I'm trying to say is that, according to BoxOfficeMojo, Dawn of the Planet of MORE

Box Office: The world throws $201 Million at ‘Transformers 4′

Transformers: Age of Extinction

Transformers: Age of Extinction was the only major release this weekend, and for good reason ... long story short, it pretty much obliterated every other movie out there. According to Box Office Mojo, Transformers made $100 Million at the American box office this weekend, an $201 Million around the world. So apparently, audiences everywhere were just waiting for the day where Shia Laboeuf was replaced by a giant robot dinosaur. Guy who gets MORE

Box Office: ‘Think Like a Man Too’ #1, ‘Jersey Boys’ #4

Think Like a Man Too

Think Like a Man Too was the big winner at the box office this weekend according to Box Office Mojo, earning $30 Million in its debut and clearing its initial budget. Now, here's an honest to gawd question, because it needs to be asked: I know this series is based, however tenuously, on Steve Harvey's book Act Like A Lady, Think Like a Man. But who the hell goes to Steve Harvey for dating advice? He's Steve Harvey. I know he hosts Family Feud, MORE

Box Office: ’22 Jump Street’ hits #1, ‘Dragon 2′ takes #2

22 Jump Street

Two major summer sequels premiered at the movies this weekend, but according to BoxOfficeMojo, 22 Jump Street with Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill came out on top with a $60 Million opening weekend. Also, I realized this when I was cobbling the title together, but there's a disturbing amount of numbers-based movie titles this week. Which brings me to... How To Train Your Dragon 2, which debuted at number two with $50 Million. Apparently, some MORE

Box Office: ‘The Fault In Our Stars’ shoots to the top

The Fault In Our Stars

If there's one thing I learned from watching box office trends, it's to never underestimate the power of a teen romance novel. (Fun fact: teenagers still read. See? We're not horribly screwed after all!) As was the case with the Twilight saga, The Fault In Our Stars managed to dominate the box office this week according to BoxOfficeMojo, taking in $48.2 Million in its first week on a budget of only $12 Million. Yes, they already made a profit MORE

Box Office: ‘Maleficent’ spreads its wings

Angelina Jolie is Maleficent

Number one at the box office this weekend was Maleficent, taking in $70,000 in its opening week. According to BoxOfficeMojo, this is Angelina Jolie's biggest opening weekend ever, which is good because she's been plugging the hell out of this thing for months. She worked to fill those seats, and she earned every penny. And now, I'm going to sit and wait for Disney to release the origin story of Ursula the Sea Witch, starring Latrice Royale. (In MORE

Guess what the highest-grossing movie of 2013 was?

Moviegoers

Oh who are we kidding, we all know it was Iron Man 3. I know. Sorry for the spoilers. Except not really, because Marvel is a gawddamn island in and of itself, and it's basically become the film industry's show pony. Oh, and number two was Despicable Me 2, because people love tic-tac shaped creatures. That wasn't sarcastic; those minions are f*cking ADORABLE. Via HuffPo ... 1. Iron Man 3 - $1,215,439,994 2. Despicable Me 2 - $918,573,535 3. MORE