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Exclusive: ‘The Golden Hat: Talking Back to Autism’

April 30, 2012 10:44 AM by Leave a Comment Filed Under: Actresses, Interviews Tagged With: , , ,

Margret Ericsdottir, Keli and Kate Winslet

When her son was only 10-years-old, Icelandic mother Margret Ericsdottir was told that her child had a severe form of nonverbal autism. Medical professionals informed her that Keli, her son, would never be able to communicate with another human being and should be institutionalized for the rest of his life.

Unwilling to give up on her child, Margret set forth on a mission to help Keli learn how to communicate. To help raise awareness of her son’s condition, Margret took a camera crew with her on her journey and thus created the documentary, A Mother’s Courage: Talking Back to Austism.

After being picked up by HBO for distribution to international audiences, the inspiring film found its English language narrator in Academy Award-winning actress Kate Winslet. But after meeting Margret and Keli, Winslet was inspired to do more than just lend her voice.

“I did the recording, I met Margret and we became very close friends. And I went home on the train and I just had this feeling of ‘that’s not enough. That can’t be it. I can’t have just given my voice, oh clever me, what’s that about?’” Winslet recalled while appearing on Live With Kelly!

Not too long after, a new idea came to Winslet while she was brushing her teeth one morning. What if she teamed up with Margret to create a book of portraits of famous people around the world? These celebrities could use their public platforms to give their voices to those who couldn’t speak out for themselves. And in turn, they would begin to spread awareness of this condition that impacts approximately 67 million people worldwide.

Together, Winslet and Margret went to all sorts of extremes to put together their book, The Golden Hat: Talking Back To Autism. Each participant took a photo with Winslet’s favorite fedora and answered the question, “If you were unable to communicate your entire life until now, what would be your first words?”

Featuring portraits of celebrities such as Meryl Streep, Leonardo DiCaprio, Johnny Depp, Christina Aguilera, Justin Timberlake, Elton John, Julianne Moore, Oprah Winfrey, Zac Efron and James Franco, The Golden Hat: Talking Back to Autism is a true labor of love. All proceeds from the book (published in March by Simon & Schuster) benefit the charity and awareness organization that Margret and Winslet co-founded, The Golden Hat Foundation.

Following her recent appearance at the United Nations for World Autism Day, Margret chatted with me about the book, collaborating with Winslet, her son Keli, how you can contribute to the cause, and much more.

Alex Nagorski: Can you tell me a little bit about how the format of this book came about? How did you and Kate decide that taking portraits of these public figures was the way in which you wanted to spread awareness of your message?

Margret Ericsdottir: It was magical actually. One day I received an email from Kate saying that she had a great idea for fundraising, but didn’t have time to explain it now … she just said that it involved a hat and a lot of famous people.

I thought to myself that it was strange she said a “hat,” because Keli had just written a poem called, “The Golden Hat” that same day:

This boy had a golden hat.
The hat was magical.
 It could talk.
The boy did not have any voice.
He had autism.
His hat was always with him.
His hat was lost one day.
Now he had no way of telling them his stories.
His mom and dad became sad.
They taught him spelling on a letterboard.
It was hard.

I sent the poem to Kate, and she was so surprised by Keli’s poem and how similar it was to her idea that she called me and told me all about her plans to make this book. We both felt like it was more than a coincidence and that it was meant to be. So we named our book and the foundation after the poem.

AN: On April 2nd, you appeared at the United Nations for World Autism Awareness Day. From the time you shot A Mother’s Courage to today, how much (if at all) do you feel autism awareness has increased on a global level?

ME: Autism awareness has been very successful here in the States for the most part, but in other parts of the world these individuals’ rights are being ignored. I have had many emails and Facebook comments from people around the world who want to know more about how they can help their child and how the conditions in their country do not allow them the treatments and interventions that we are so privileged to have here in the US.

As you mentioned, we hosted World Autism Awareness Day in conjunction with the United Nations this year. We had a press briefing regarding those with nonverbal autism, as that is our focus at the Golden Hat Foundation. As I said, it seems autism awareness in general is very good here in the US, however, people know very little about those with nonverbal autism – which represents nearly half of those with autism. We are working hard to bring awareness to their need for effective means of communication and their right to receive an academic education.

AN: In a recent Ladies’ Home Journal interview, Kate told a funny story about how she “gate-crashed a private function to get the hat to Bill Clinton.” What are some other humorous or non-traditional ways in which you and/or Kate attempted to get the hat to a particular person?

ME: We really became quite fanatical about the hat. For the longest time we would not mail it. It was hand delivered and even flown first class with someone across the ocean. There were only a couple of times that we did send it via courier and we all held our breath until it arrived.

When I was taking the hat once to Conan O’Brien in his studio, he was trying to get a picture of the hat while he was using hairspray. I kept thinking that he had gotten so much hairspray on the hat that it will never come off his head! I wasn’t sure if I should tell him to stop or not. Have you ever seen Conan? He is like 6 foot 7 or something!

AN: Of all the celebrities who contributed to this book, who’s answer surprised you the most?

ME: Of course the funny ones are cute, like George Clooney’s, “Sorry about Batman and Robin” or Woody Allen’s, “Get off my property!”, but the one that struck the biggest cord with me was Elijah Wood. It seemed to me he totally understood what we were asking when he answered, “I exist and I am vital.”

AN: Do you feel that the accelerated rate at which technology is granting people access to instant communication wherever they are is more beneficial or harmful for our society? And how do these rapid changes impact people with nonverbal autism?

ME: Although I feel most kids these days get too caught up in social media, it is the most exciting time for those with nonverbal autism. The technology that now exists has changed many of their lives. iPads and iPhones have revolutionized this industry. Now, what used to be unaffordable is well within the means of school districts and even families to own. There are amazing new apps for those with autism – like Assistive Chat, which allows the user to type in what they want and it says it out loud.

Also with all of this technology comes the ability to work from home. When these individuals are given an effective means of communication, and are able to get an academic education, they will be able to have careers. Not just jobs folding towels or wiping tables. Working from home will allow them to “fit in” more functionally at a job.

AN: The book is named after a poem that Keli wrote about a magic golden hat that enables an autistic boy to speak. How important do you find art to be as a tool for self-expression for those with nonverbal autism?

ME: Nonverbal autism is a spectrum. I like to think of it as just another class full of students, some will like the arts, some will like math, some will be good at English, others will be good in science.

Keli loves poetry. He almost always expresses himself in some poetic manner. While another good friend of Keli’s (also nonverbal) makes jokes all of the time.  Still another likes to discuss his political views.

AN: How much do you think the representations of autism in popular culture (i.e. films like Adam or Rain Man or books like House Rules by Jodi Picoult) shape the way that autistic people are viewed to those who might not be entirely familiar with autism?

ME: I think any use of those with autism in media today brings more awareness and acceptance. The new show Touch with Keifer Sutherland stars a boy with nonverbal autism. He is not representative of this population, but they have shown some of the difficulties of having a child who does not speak. This will only bring more awareness to our cause.

AN: You and Kate have become very close friends over the past few years and together founded the Golden Hat Foundation. Do you two already have plans for another collaboration after the publication of this book?

ME: We discuss different ideas all the time! Kate is an idea person and is so whimsical! It is fun to talk about all the possibilities. Yes, we have some things up our sleeve … you will have to stay tuned to find out what!

AN: Other than purchasing the book, what are some ways in which people can help spread awareness and help make a difference for people with nonverbal autism?

ME: We need to spread awareness about the needs of those with nonverbal autism.

Talk to your school district and ask them to “Honor Intelligence.” Ask them to make sure they talk “to” these kids and not “about” them when they are present. Ask them to assume intelligence if a child can not communicate yet. Ask the schools to work toward getting effective communication strategies in place for all those who are nonverbal (or have nonfunctional speech). This means going beyond PECS and other picture programs. They need to learn to write, type, or point out words, even eye gaze can be used to spell words. Someone once said, “When you have 26 pictures, you can have 26 items. When you have 26 letters, you can have the world.” Then ask them to make plans to get these individuals an academic education. Life skills are important, however it should not be at the expense of an education.

We also have some wonderful resources on our website including videos. I suggest checking out our United Nations Press Briefing video and sending the link on to those you feel would benefit.

You can of course spread awareness by giving a copy of our book, The Golden Hat: Talking Back to Autism to teachers; or wear one of our shirts that say, “Honoring Intelligence”; or start a new “Follow That Hat” campaign on our website where you can raise awareness for nonverbal autism at the same time you raise money. This campaign is fun and whimsical and allows everyone to fundraise in any manner they choose. Once $500 dollars is reached, you will receive an actual “golden hat” in the mail that can be worn to tell others how important this issue is to you. Or just have some fun by donating online and adding your face to our Golden Wall … Facebook it and make it your profile picture and let others know what the Golden Hat stands for and why it is important to you.

The Golden Hat: Talking Back to Autism

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James Franco’s book about being James Franco

January 4, 2012 6:08 AM by Leave a Comment Filed Under: Actors Tagged With: ,

Renaissance-man James Franco (it should be noted, “renaissance-man” is what you call a pretentious douchebag when he’s still in the room) has written another book, this time about being an actor. Chapters include “How to look and act like a cardboard cut-out at the Oscars”, “Name-dropping your way through University” and “How to work Judd Apatow’s balls.” The Observer reports:

James Franco is publishing a novel! And not only that, he has abandoned traditional publishing houses to publish with Amazon. The book is called Actors Anonymous and was acquired by Amazon’s fiction editor Ed Park from Mr. Franco’s agent, Richard Abate. The novel is said to be a fictionalized version of Mr. Franco’s experiences as an actor (and grad student?). Mr. Franco’s first book, a collection of short stories called Palo Alto, was published by Scribner.

Wait wait wait, will there be a chapter about how James Franco stuck a penis on his face and taped himself walking around campus and then called it art? Because that’s how art works nowadays: do something wacky, then hope elitist snobs read way too much into it.

James Franco

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Here comes the Kardashian tell-all book!

December 29, 2011 10:04 AM by Leave a Comment Filed Under: Famewhores Tagged With: , , , , ,

We all knew it was only a matter of time before a spurned nanny came forward with a tell-all book about the Kardashians, and now that the entire world is tuned into the fact that Kim Kardashian is a lying opportunist incapable of “that emotion you humans call love” (Kim’s word’s, right before she put a cigarette out on a baby’s still-open fontanelle) it looks like one of the family’s old nannies is shopping around a tell-all book about the family, according to TMZ.

Sources tell us … the woman behind the book, Pam Behan, served as a nanny, personal assistant and cook for Bruce and Kris Jenner for years … and spent all sorts of time with the Kardashian girls AND the Jenner boys, Brody and Brandon. We’re told … in the book, Pam makes it clear — she couldn’t stand Bruce’s sons … calling the two kids, “extremely spoiled and disrespectful.” In the book, we’re told Pam also claims she almost lost her job after slapping Brandon one day. As for the Kardashians — we’re told Pam describes her relationship with Kris as a “love/hate” thing … but she seems fond of Bruce, claiming he helped her avoid prosecution when she was busted for DUI a while back. We’re told Pam also promises to reveal some “intimate details” about Kourtney and Kim — surprising, because we’re told the girls were very fond of her.

Wait wait wait … your big exposé is on Bruce’s sons no one really cares about? Oh come on! If you’re going to write about the Kardashians, you go after Kim. Everyone in the literary world knows you have to harpoon the giant white whale. It was the whole point of Moby Dick! Unless of course I completely misread that one … *checks book again* Ha ha! Ishmael‘s a funny name.

The Kardashians

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The Necessity of Lisbeth Salander

December 26, 2011 7:12 PM by Leave a Comment Filed Under: Film, People Tagged With: , , , ,

Noomi Rapace and Rooney Mara

Lisbeth Salander has multiple piercings across her face. Her eyebrows are bleached and her skin is whiter than Ramona Singer’s attempts at belly dancing. Like the majority of her wardrobe, her hair is jet black. It’s purposefully jagged and sharply frames her thin face. The makeup that circles her eyes is dark enough to make Taylor Momsen and Johnny Depp cry Lauren Conrad-esque mascara tears of jealousy. She wears ripped t-shirts that read “Fuck you, you fucking fuck” (a quote from David Lynch‘s 1986 classic Blue Velvet) and she literally kicks ass with the lace-up combat boots she tucks her baggy cargo pants into. She travels by motorcycle and, despite her gaunt figure, lives off a diet consisting primarily of McDonald’s Happy Meals. Her body is a canvas that she tattoos as a physical manifestation of the incredible amounts of pain she’s experienced. She is the girl with the dragon tattoo.

So how did such a seemingly anti-mainstream punk chick steal the interests and hearts of millions of readers and film audiences across the globe?

It’s quite simple, really. Because Lisbeth is not the ingénue of the stories she stars in. She’s the hero. The hero who is so ruthless in her actions that she makes a femme fatale like Lara Croft look more like the damsel-in-distress Princess Zelda.

In the American adaptation of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, which hit theaters last week (there was a Swedish version back in 2009), Lisbeth (Rooney Mara) is an expert cyber-hacker who finds herself assisting Mikael Blomkvist (Daniel Craig), an investigative reporter hired as a personal detective by an elderly man (Christopher Plummer) looking to discover the truth behind his grand niece’s disappearance forty years earlier.

With this film, director David Fincher has crafted a piece of art that will play a central role in the continuing evolution of Hollywood’s portrayals of women. At the core of this movie’s significance is the character of Lisbeth, who propels The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo to the forefront of feminist cinema. After all, this is a woman whose SIDEKICK is literally James Bond.

Much like a honey badger, Lisbeth is fearless. When she is brutally raped by her state appointed guardian, she has no problem tazering him, shoving a metal dildo in his ass and tattooing “I’m a rapist pig” on his chest. When she thinks she’s found a serial killer, she doesn’t blink twice before entering his home. In fact, she doesn’t even come armed and instead relies on finding a random object in his house to protect herself with. And when she wants to take down one of Sweden’s most powerful and corrupt businessmen, she has no trepidations about putting on a Lady Gaga-esque wig for the cameras while she drains all of his bank accounts.

In the bedroom, Lisbeth does not limit herself to the parameters set by a particular label. Instead, she makes emotional connections with people regardless of their sex. In one scene, she wakes up naked next to a woman named Miriam (who fans of the books know plays a much larger part in the next two installments of the story). In another, she strips for Blomkvist and proposes that they sleep together. And what middle-aged single, heterosexual man would turn down a sexy and dangerous 23-year-old woman already half way done unbuttoning his pants? Exactly. And obviously, Lisbeth is always on top.

Part of what makes Lisbeth so captivating is that she refuses to be a victim. When someone wrongs her, she doesn’t sulk. She takes matters into her own hands and regains the power that was stolen from her in the moments when she was wronged. For instance, she could have easily reported her guardian for raping her. But instead, the prey becomes the predator as Lisbeth exacts a degree of revenge and punishment that no amount of time behind bars could. Her actions ensure that not only will her guardian never rape someone again, but also that he’ll be forced to live for the rest of his life with a constant reminder of how disgusting a person he is.

It’s women like Lisbeth that Hollywood needs more of. Women who refuse to be subservient and are unafraid to be completely self-sufficient. Too often, movies employ Sex and the City-like clones that “just want to find Mr. Right.” And sadly, many of the films that pride themselves on their “progressive feminist stance” in fact still adhere to patriarchal values.

In 2010, the movie Salt was released and was marketed as a female counterpart to The Bourne Identity. Originally written as a starring vehicle for Tom Cruise, it was ultimately Angelina Jolie who stepped into the lead role. But as Scott Mendelson of Salon.com pointed out, an Entertainment Weekly article by Chris Nashawaty about the film’s alleged “pro-feminism” actually confirmed how flawed it really was.

“‘In the original script, there was a huge sequence where Edwin Salt (the original male protagonist) saves his wife, who’s in danger,’ says Noyce. ‘And what we found in the new script, it seemed to castrate his character a little. So we had to change the nature of that relationship.’ In the end, Salt’s husband, played by German actor August Diehl (Inglourious Basterds), was made tough enough that he didn’t need saving, thank you much,” the article read.

In other words, if Tom Cruise is playing the main character, it’s okay for him to save his helpless wife. But if Angelina Jolie is playing that same character, the spouse no longer needs saving due to a fear of emasculation. Oh.

It’s comments like these that make it easy to picture industry people like Noyce and Nashawaty lighting up cigars with the boys as they congratulate themselves on their “liberalism.”  It’s also comments like these that really hit home the idea that the art we subject ourselves to is still skewed towards preserving the idea that men are on a higher level than women.

Thus, films like The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo are far more necessary than one may even initially realize. We’re in dire need of female characters like Lisbeth Salander who are defined by their actions and not by their genitalia.

When the novel was first published in Sweden, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo had a different title – one that translates to Men Who Hate Women. While it’s actually quite infuriating that author Stieg Larsson’s original title wasn’t kept for the English translation (most likely due to a fear of a lack of commercial appeal), the film remains a powerful tale about that theme—and, of course, about the woman who retaliates against the men who hate women.

The success of the franchise proves that audiences want to read about and see women like Lisbeth. In fact, she’s become such a cultural icon that people are even willing to physically emulate her by purchasing the Lisbeth-inspired collection at H&M (which – as a side note – I find hysterical and completely ironic because the idea of a fashion line designed after her is something that Lisbeth would absolutely detest).

But the point is that The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo is a story that is exposing a huge void in our pop culture psyche. And audiences are beginning to take notice.

Lisbeth Salander, I salute you.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

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Kris Jenner also wants your attention too!

November 1, 2011 12:16 PM by Leave a Comment Filed Under: Famewhores Tagged With: ,

Sensing that her daughter Kim Kardashian is facing tons of negative press, and that all that attention should be going to herself (HOW DARE SHE!) Kris Jenner decided that the time is right to promote her new memoir Kris Jenner … and All Things Kardashian by capitalizing on the Nicole Brown Simpson / Ronald Goldman murder and how she could have stopped it all herself. See? All Kardashians are terrible people! Not just a select few! RadarOnline reports:

Nicole called her early on June 12th, Kris writes. “Nicole said, “Can you get over here…? I need to talk to you. It’s really important’.” Busy with her own children, Kris asked if they could put it off until the next day. But Nicole was persistent. “‘That’s okay, can you meet me tomorrow for lunch? I really have to talk to you about something really, really important’.” Says Kris, “It would be the last time I would ever speak to Nicole.” The next morning, Kris was plunged into shock and trauma as she woke to the news that her close friend had been stabbed to death. “I instinctively knew that in some way O.J. had something to do with her death. I truly couldn’t believe she had been so betrayed by the person who she had once loved most. That O.J. would be so destructive and selfish and jealous that he would do that to her was just mind-blowing to me. All these thoughts were running through my mind: This can’t be true.”

So basically, one of the biggest crimes in the past couple decades all hinged on Kris making a minor decision? Why do I feel like Kris thinks this way about everything? “Hmmm … should I go do brunch in WeHo, thereby curing AIDS, or should I just order in and create peace in the Middle East? It’s hard being an all-knowing, all-powerful deity. Someone go plant a tree in the garden that produces a metaphor for the knowledge of good and evil and how it effects a person’s freedom from sin!”

Kris Jenner

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Heidi Montag is writing an autobiography!

October 31, 2011 9:20 AM by Leave a Comment Filed Under: Famewhores Tagged With: , ,

A couple years ago, Heidi Montag wrote a book with Spencer Pratt, which was about as well-received as a letter full of anthrax. Of course, Heidi Montag hasn’t learned anything from that, because she’s decided that she’s going to dig herself out of the bottomless grave of debt she put herself in by writing an autobiography. I hope she knows that being able to spell out her own name on the “fridgerator” using letter magnets does not constitute writing. AZCentral reports:

A source said: “She’ll talk about the control that Spencer exerted over her, which forced her to make bad decisions that ultimately got her kicked off The Hills. A big chunk of the book will be about how Heidi befriended Lauren and how devastated she was when she ended up dumping her as her BFF. Maybe something positive will come out of it. She’s happy to have people read the full story and make up their own minds.” Heidi is also set to spill the beans on her dramatic plastic surgery which saw her transform her looks with 10 operations in one day. The source added to National Enquirer magazine: “She blames a lot of it on the pressure of being in the public spotlight. She wanted to make herself look like a Barbie doll.”

So she’s going to blame the pressure of being in spotlight, despite the fact that she willingly neglected going to school or learning any sort of life skills because she decided to put herself there in the first place. That’s what you’re saying, right? Oh for … look, if you lay a bear trap on the floor, and then shove your leg in the damn thing, you forfeit the right to complain about the giant metal set of demon jaws biting through your calf because it’s your own damn fault for putting yourself in there in the first place.

Heidi Montag

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Dina Lohan is writing a tell-all about Lindsay!

October 21, 2011 8:16 AM by Leave a Comment Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan Tagged With: , ,

Not one to let Michael Lohan have all the fun and money that comes with telling everyone that the daughter he and Dina Lohan ruined is now smoking meth (or crack), Dina has decided that she’s going to hop on the bandwagon by writing a tell-all book about how she turned Lindsay Lohan into a decaying black hole of drugs, irresponsibility and entitlement, because if you can’t be a good mother, you can be a good opportunist! TMZ reports:

TMZ has obtained the draft of a prologue for Dina Lohan’s memoir, which Dina’s rep is shopping to people in the literary world. In the prologue, Dina writes: “I blamed her friends, her career and her handlers for an (sic) newfound lifestyle of partying excessively. Drinking, drugging and behaving irresponsibly became Lindsay’s way of daily living–and it tore me up inside.”

Dina explains why she moved Lindsay from New York to L.A. at such a young age: “How could I deny my daughter the chance of a lifetime? How could I hold Lindsay back from her dream of becoming an actress? So, I listened to others and sent my daughter to Hollywood with a few pieces of luggage and a chaperone.”

When Lindsay began acting crazy, accumulating mugshots and what not, Dina says she was helpless, claiming she couldn’t demand that Lindsay return to New York. Dina also confesses she was conflicted since she was both Lindsay’s parent and manager.

You have to love how quickly Dina plays the victim card here, just in case you were wondering where LiLo got that from. She was completely powerless to stop Lindsay from partying and drinking and drugging! Which is exactly why she told Lindsay not to take a drug test when she was in rehab. Or why she parties with her daughter to the point where they actually start making out with each other. Or why she decided that she needed a reality show where she pushes her two other kids into showbiz because that worked out so well the last time. Hey, if you can’t beat ‘em, enable ‘em.

Dina and Lindsay Lohan

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Barnes & Noble removes DC graphic novels

October 9, 2011 10:06 AM by Leave a Comment Filed Under: Random Tagged With: , ,

In a move of retaliation, Barnes & Noble bookstores are removing DC graphic novels from their available content, including the Superman, V for Vendetta, Batman, and Watchmen titles. The decision came shortly after DC Entertainment cut an explicit deal with Amazon, one that places DC electronic content exclusively on Amazon Kindle products. Furthermore beginning November 15th DC graphic titles will be made available on the Kindle Fire only, the same day the Fire becomes available. With the shutdown of Borders this means that DC comics will not be available at any mass market bookstore, thought customers can still special order these at B&N bookstores or go online to buy them. In a statement B&N chief merchant stated “Regardless of the publisher, we will not stock physical books in our stores if we are not offered the available digital format. To sell and promote the physical book in our store showrooms and not have the ebook available for sale would undermine our promise to Barnes & Noble customers to make available any book, anywhere, anytime.”

In response DC Entertainment stated, “We are disappointed that Barnes & Noble has made the decision to remove these books off their shelves and make them unavailable to their customers. DC Entertainment will continue to make our content available to our fans and new readers through multiple distribution channels including locally-owned comic book retailers, independent bookstores, other bookstore chains and other widespread means such as online through Amazon and through our apps on iOS and select Android powered devices as well as new and exciting devices going forward.”

Aside from the statement, DC has made no other response prompted action. Apparently, they believe the Kindle and electronic market to be more lucrative than the physical paperback, probably as a result of their huge electronic relaunch in September to deal with sagging comic book sales. It’s a decision that is either going to make or break the DC relaunch, either way, one thing customers can do to fight back; support your local bookstore!

DC

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Martha Stewart’s daughter is ready to tell all!

October 3, 2011 12:48 PM by Leave a Comment Filed Under: Martha Stewart Tagged With: , ,

Because it’s pretty much gotten to the point where you can’t even be in the same elevator as a d-list celebrity without having to write a tell-all book about how they farted, Martha Stewart‘s daughter Alexis Stewart is now writing a memoir about life with her infamous mother. Spoiler alert! It turns out Martha is batshit crazy and demands absolute perfection from everyone around her, an esoteric fact known only by Martha, her family, and absolutely everyone in the entire world. Via Us Weekly:

“Martha does everything better! You can’t win!” Alexis, 46, writes of her mother, 70, in her new book Whateverland: Learning to Live Here, out October 18. “If I didn’t do something perfectly, I had to do it again. I grew up with a glue gun pointed at my head.”

“Martha was not interested in being kid-friendly,” Alexis reveals in Whateverland. “She used to make me wrap my own presents. She would hand me things right before Christmas and say, ‘Now wrap these but don’t look inside.’”

“My mother has a sign on all of her doors to take your shoes off,” Alexis writes. “For god’s sake! My mother’s dogs p–s and s–t on her rugs and she’s telling people to take their shoes off?

“[She] always peed with the door open,” Alexis continued of her mother’s bathroom hygiene. “I remember saying, ‘You know, now I have friends over! You can’t do that anymore! It’s gotta stop! My friends’ parents don’t do it! Give me a break here! I don’t feel like being embarrassed! It’s exhausting! I’m a kid! Stop!’”

No shit. You’re telling me the crazy lady who spends way too much time obsessing over minute details and is famous for fancy arts and crafts might be completely out of her mind? Hell, I’d be more surprised if someone wrote an entire memoir stating that she was completely lucid and normal and friendly. “What’s that? Martha Stewart is a real human being with thoughts and feelings and rational, sane ideas? What fucking witchcraft is this? *Throws book in the fire* Why does it scream while it’s burning?”

Martha and Alexis Stewart

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Perez Hilton has a children’s book now?

September 2, 2011 8:22 AM by Leave a Comment Filed Under: Famewhores Tagged With: ,

You guys know Perez Hilton, right? He’s the gossip blogger who’s the most famous despite being the least talented or funny but makes up for it by being bitchy and hypocritical? Well, apparently after last year’s string of LGBT-related suicides, Perez decided that he was going to write a children’s book about how it’s okay to be different! Oh, except for the part where it was wholly inspired by him making a bitchy comment towards Mario Lopez. See? He’s a nicer person now! Via The Advocate:

It was nothing I ever wanted to do. In fact, in the past I’ve made fun of celebrities for writing children’s books. But I was at a book event, talking about my celebrity-related second book, and Mario Lopez was there promoting his children’s book. Teasing him, I flippantly said, “Well, I should write a children’s book too — and it should be about a boy with pink hair!” After that, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. The story formed so quickly in my brain, and I was so in love with it that I felt compelled to make it happen. Then there was the whole rash of gay teenagers committing suicide, so I thought it had a great message to get out there for young people. It’s also a great message and a great read for people of all ages.

Look, in a lot of ways I’m in the same boat as Perez here: We’re both gossip writers and we both tend to bitch people out. The only difference is, I bitch people out based on their ACTIONS (and because I can get some laughs out of it) rather than Perez who bitches people out because he desperately wants to be famous. If I’m ever “mean”, it’s out of frustration rather than spite, mostly because I want the people I call out for being stupid to start acting like reasonable, responsible adults rather than children. But then again, I’m also not about to start claiming I’m some saintly blogger because fact of the matter is, I’ll still crack a Lilo joke if it’ll get someone to laugh. My point is, don’t pretend your some ambassador for the down-trodden if you’re a celebrity blogger.

Perez Hilton

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