Australia’s Channel 7 owned Paris Hilton!

There’s something about living in Australia that apparently just erodes your ability to give a crap, because Aussie reporter Edwina Bartholomew clearly couldn’t give one if she wanted to. Paris Hilton was down in Oz as part of her new career of following around people who are actually famous and talented she’s dating, and decided to stop in at Channel 7 for an interview. Edwina decided to ask Paris about her waning “fame” to her face (side note: HA!) when Paris’ camp decided to step in and tell her that if they aired that question, they would effectively ban the channel from interviewing Paris ever again.

Here’s where they went wrong. First off, Paris is at this point, clinging to the tatters of her former glory. The only reason anyone even remembers to write about her is because they recall being needled by her inexplicable success and fortune for five years, and at this point are really only writing to reminisce on how annoying she is. If she really wants press coverage this badly, she might as well just go on a tour where she reminds everyone how awful she was and still is. She can call it the “Hey, wasn’t I just the worst?” tour, and Nicole Richie can open for her! Oh, wait, Nicole actually has a career now. Whoops. My bad.

Paris Hilton

Australia might ban Kim Kardashian!

Despite the fact that Australia is home to some of the world’s deadliest animals (Have you seen the spiders down there? ENORMOUS. Did you know spiders developed eight eyes just so they can watch you die eight times? It’s true. They’re the only animal who evolved solely to drain us of our precious life juices.) Australia might be getting rid of the most dangerous creature of them all: Kim Kardashian. Turns out, a couple of her visas fell through and now they might be banning her from the country. The Daily Telegraph reports:

“For privacy reasons it would not be appropriate to discuss particular details of an individual because people who enter Australia must abide by the conditions of their visa,” a spokeswoman told us. “If people are undertaking work in Australia they need to be on an appropriate visa with work conditions attached.” But wait, there’s more. “If people do breach conditions of their visa, then the department can counsel them or cancel that person’s visa … and the department may record their breaches and immigration history. Their history would then be taken into account if they apply for another visa to enter Australia. The identities of such people are then put on to a Movement Alert List.”

Quick question, but … how hard is it to to immigrate to Australia? I mean, it’s warm and sunny all year round, the guys have the most adorable accent, and now they might just be the only country in the world not tainted by Kim. As in Kim can literally fit the entire country in the space between her gigantic ass and her vagina. In her taint. You can still hear the screams of the damned echoing off her thunder thighs …

Kim Kardashian

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