Teenage famewhores get pregnant to be on MTV?

Because this is exactly what happens when you announce you’ll give money and attention to inbred, uneducated white trash if they can get knocked up, it turns out Jennifer Del Rio, one of the ‘stars’ of MTV‘s 16 and Pregnant physically abused her baby daddy over the weekend, and now it’s been revealed that (gasp) she’s a compulsive liar, and (super gasp) she lied to her boyfriend in order to get pregnant because (mega gasp) she wanted to be on TV. And this is why I’m pro-choice.

Smith filed a request for a restraining order against Jennifer Del Rio this week — stemming from an incident in which she allegedly punched Josh in the face. In the docs, Smith claims his baby mama is a “compulsive liar” who concocted a diabolical scheme to get pregnant — allegedly telling him she was knocked up (even though she wasn’t) so he wouldn’t wear a condom.

Smith explains … “She was giving me sonogram pictures … that she claimed was ‘our baby’ when in actually [sic] it was her friend’s sonogram pictures she was copying. She lied to me and my parents for 3 months saying she was pregnant. She wanted so desperately to be on Sixteen and Pregnant.” SOURCE

So basically, MTV decided to make a show about pregnant teenagers, and now a bunch of idiot girls are ruining their lives with famebabies (NEW TERM) because they have no aspirations beyond “I want people to know I exist”. Super. And yet we nearly closed down the fucking government over Planned Parenthood because 3% of their work goes to providing pregnant teenagers with abortions, despite the fact that the rest of what they do involves educating teenagers on sex and providing contraception, which basically means that 97% of what they do involves preventing unwanted pregnancies and abortions. But of course, no one wants to think about that because “Abortion is a complex issue born of a woefully inadequate sexual education system, poverty and gender double standards that should be debated solely amongst women” doesn’t sound as catchy as “BABY KILLER! BABY KILLER! BABY KILLER!” This is literally so stupid, my head actually hurts from trying to make sense of this.

16 and Pregnant

‘Jersey Shore’ spin-offs are on the way!

Well, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that MTV is going to be breaking out two new spin-offs of one of their most popular shows and it’s not Teen Mom. The bad news is that its Jersey Shore, and while there are no stupid, pregnant, white trash teenage whores on that show, it does mean we’re going to have to suffer through yet another show where Snooki, JWoww and Pauly D get drunk, try to fuck things and generally act like total morons.

MTV confirmed on Thursday it had greenlit two spin-offs for three cast members – Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi and Jenni “JWoww” Farley, and Pauly “DJ Pauly D” Delvecchio. Both new shows are currently untitled, but MTV provided descriptions of what the reality series’ will entail. For the Snooki and JWoww show, MTV said “viewers will get to see how they deal with life and love when the vacation is over in this 12-episode series. The locale may be different, but the friendship is sure to remain the same.” Pauly D’s show would focus on his rising DJ career. SOURCE

Fantastic. Let me just come in here with a quick couple of spoiler alerts first: Snookie and JWoww don’t “deal” with things, they get drunk and swear really loudly until they pass out (are you sure they aren’t Irish?) As for Pauly D? All DJs do is get high on cocaine and play their iTunes mix. Seriously. I know a certain DJ whose basic M.O. is to occasionally toy with a couple of dials between bouts of lying face down in a small mountain of cocaine. Interesting stuff, I assure you.

Jersey Shore

It’s like ‘The Hills’ never ended …

Oh look, two of the whores from The Hills are fighting. Again. Honestly, it’s like fucking clockwork with these people. Anyway, Whitney Port, who I thought was actually dead until this story popped up, is pissed off at Lauren Conrad, who I didn’t think was dead but secretly wished she was, because Whitney thinks her show was canceled to make way for Lauren’s show, which was canceled before it even made it to the air. Try and figure out how that one works, I dare ya.

Though Whitney Port, 25, and Lauren Conrad, 25, were close pals on The Hills, an insider tells the new issue of Us Weekly (on stands now) that the two have gone their separate ways. “Whitney is upset because she thinks that The City was canceled to make room for Lauren’s new reality show,” the source tells Us. “Whitney feels like she got the shaft.” SOURCE

Yes, her show was given the boot so that they could make the show that they had no intention of actually making. That makes sense … actually, now that I think about it, it totally does. If you could make up a fake show in order to get a crappy real show canceled, wouldn’t you? Before you answer, consider how goddamn awful everything on MTV is. “Sorry Whitney, but we need to focus all of our attention on Puppies With Laser Eyes Eating Cupcakes. You understand, right?”

Lauren Conrad and Whitney Port

UPDATE: Whitney Port took to her blog today to clear the air on some rumors that had been circulating regarding an alleged feud between the reality starlet and her former co-star, Lauren Conrad. Whitney wrote, “This week has been a little crazy with some funny nonsense that US Weekly has been circulating. I feel sometimes like I don’t have to justify this stuff, but I just want to clear up that everything is more than fine between Lauren and me. So to put the rumor to rest, I wanted to let you know that there are no hard feelings between us!” SOURCE

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