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The 2012 MTV Movie Awards’ nominees!

May 1, 2012 11:22 AM by Leave a Comment Filed Under: Awards, Film Tagged With: , ,

Yes, it’s almost summer, which means it’s time for MTV to pretend they know how movies work when they barely even know how music works. Anyway, surprisingly, the latest installment of those insipid Twilight movies barely even made a dent in the nominations, while The Hunger Games, Bridesmaids, and the last Harry Potter movie have all raked in an impressive amount of nods, which I think means … they got it right?

2012 MTV Movie Awards

Movie of the Year
» ”Bridesmaids”
» ”The Hunger Games”
» ”Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2″
» ”The Help”
» ”The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1″

Best Male Performance 
» Daniel Radcliffe, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2″
» Ryan Gosling, “Drive”
» Joseph Gordon-Levitt, “50/50″
» Josh Hutcherson, “The Hunger Games”
» Channing Tatum, “The Vow”

Best Female Performance
» Jennifer Lawrence, “The Hunger Games”
» Kristin Wiig, “Bridesmaids”
» Emma Stone, “Crazy, Stupid, Love”
» Emma Watson, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2″
» Rooney Mara, “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo”

Best Comedic Performance
» Melissa McCarthy, “Bridesmaids”
» Kristen Wiig, “Bridesmaids”
» Zach Galifianakis, “The Hangover Part II”
» Jonah Hill, “21 Jump Street”
» Oliver Cooper, “Project X”

Breakthrough Performance
» Melissa McCarthy, “Bridesmaids”
» Rooney Mara, “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo”
» Liam Hemsworth, “The Hunger Games”
» Elle Fanning, “Super 8″
» Shailene Woodley, “The Descendants”

Best Cast
» ”Bridesmaids”
» ”Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2″
» ”The Hunger Games”
» ”21 Jump Street”
» ”The Help”

Best On-Screen Transformation
» Elizabeth Banks, “The Hunger Games”
» Rooney Mara, “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo”
» Johnny Depp, “21 Jump Street”
» Michelle Williams, “My Week With Marilyn”
» Colin Farrell, “Horrible Bosses”

Best Fight
» Daniel Radcliffe vs. Ralph Fiennes, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2″
» Jennifer Lawrence and Josh Hutcherson vs. Alexander Ludwig, “The Hunger Games”
» Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill vs. Kid Gang, “21 Jump Street”
» Tom Hardy vs. Joel Edgerton, “Warrior”
» Tom Cruise vs. Michelle Nyqvist, “Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol”

Best Kiss
» Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone, “Crazy, Stupid, Love”
» Rupert Grint and Emma Watson, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2″
» Jennifer Lawrence and Josh Hutcherson, “The Hunger Games”
» Rachel McAdams and Channing Tatum, “The Vow”
» Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1″

Best Gut-Wrenching Performance
» ”Bridesmaids” (Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, Rose Byrne, Melissa McCarthy, Wendi McClendon-Covey and Ellie Kemper)
» ”The Help” (Bryce Dallas Howard)
» ”21 Jump Street” (Jonah Hill and Rob Riggle)
» ”Drive” (Ryan Gosling)
» ”Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol” (Tom Cruise)

Best On-Screen Dirt Bag
» Bryce Dallas Howard, “The Help”
» Jon Hamm, “Bridesmaids”
» Jennifer Aniston, “Horrible Bosses”
» Colin Farrell, “Horrible Bosses”
» Oliver Cooper, “Project X”

Best Music
» ”Party Rock Anthem,” LMFAO (“21 Jump Street”)
» ”A Real Hero,” College with Electric Youth (“Drive”)
» ”The Devil Is in the Details,” Chemical Brothers (“Hanna”)
» ”Impossible,” Figurine (“Like Crazy”)
» ”Pursuit of Happiness,” Kid Cudi (Steve Aoki remix) (“Project X”)

Call me crazy, but this might be the first time I ever saw a list of nominees and thought “Yeah, that sounds right.” What can I say? The MTV Movie Awards finally found a way to reward good movies that did well at the box office without getting too heady and obtuse or too shitty and pandering. I mean for the love of God, Breaking Dawn was only nominated for Best Kiss and a token Best Movie nod. Which it will probably lose anyway. HAHA! Suck it Twihards, everything you love is crap.

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The 2011 MTV VMAs nominees are out!

July 21, 2011 11:34 AM by Leave a Comment Filed Under: Awards, Music Tagged With: , ,

Despite the fact that MTV long ago had one of the whores from The Hills take the “music” part of their title out back, pointed a sawed-off shotgun at the back of its head and put it out of its misery, they’ve decided they’re still going to do another year of the MTV VMAs in an attempt to try and make it seem like they’re still relevant when it comes to anything other than tanned Jersey Shore famewhores.

VIDEO OF THE YEAR
Adele, “Rolling In The Deep”
Tyler, The Creator, “Yonkers”
Katy Perry, “Firework”
Bruno Mars, “Grenade”
Beastie Boys, “Make Some Noise”

BEST FEMALE VIDEO
Adele, “Rolling In The Deep”
Katy Perry, “Firework”
Beyonce, “Run The World (Girls)”
Nicki Minaj, “Super Bass”
Lady Gaga, “Born This Way”

BEST MALE VIDEO
Cee Lo Green, “F*** You”
Eminem feat. Rihanna, “Love The Way You Lie”
Bruno Mars, “Grenade”
Kanye West feat. Rihanna & Kid Cudi, “All Of The Lights”
Justin Bieber, “U Smile”

BEST HIP HOP VIDEO
Lil Wayne feat. Cory Gunz, “6’7’”
Kanye West feat. Rihanna & Kid Cudi, “All Of The Lights”
Chris Brown feat. Lil Wayne & Busta Rhymes, “Look At Me Now”
Nicki Minaj, “Super Bass”
Lupe Fiasco, “The Show Goes On”

BEST NEW ARTIST
Foster The People, “Pumped Up Kicks”
Wiz Khalifa, “Black and Yellow”
Tyler, The Creator, “Yonkers”
Big Sean feat. Chris Brown, “My Last”
Kreayshawn, “Gucci Gucci”

BEST POP VIDEO
Adele, “Rolling In The Deep”
Bruno Mars, “Grenade”
NE-YO, Nayer & Afrojack, “Give Me Everything”
Katy Perry, “Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)”
Britney Spears, “Till The World Ends”


BEST ROCK VIDEO
The Black Keys, “Howlin For You”
Foo Fighters, “Walk”
Foster The People, “Pumped Up Kicks”
Mumford & Sons, “The Cave”
Cage The Elephant, “Shake Me Down”

BEST COLLABORATION
Pitbull feat. NE-YO, Nayer & Afrojack, Give Me Everything
Chris Brown feat. Lil Wayne & Busta Rhymes, “Look At Me Now”
Rihanna & Kid Cudi, “All Of The Lights”
Katy Perry feat. Kanye West, “E.T.”
Nicki Minaj feat. Drake, “Moment 4 Life”

BEST ART DIRECTION
Adele, “Rolling In The Deep”
Katy Perry, “Firework”
Lady Gaga, “Judas”
Kanye West, “Power”
Death Cab For Cutie, “You Are A Tourist”

BEST CHOREOGRAPHY
Beyonce, “Run The World (Girls)”
Britney Spears, “Till The World Ends”
Lady Gaga, “Judas”
Bruno Mars, “The Lazy Song”
LMFAO feat. Lauren Bennett & GoonRock, “Party Rock Anthem”

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY
Adele, “Rolling In The Deep”
Beyonce, “Run The World (Girls)”
Eminem feat. Rihanna, “Love The Way You Lie”
Katy Perry, “Teenage Dream”
Thirty Seconds To Mars, “Hurricane”

BEST DIRECTION
Beastie Boys, “Make Some Noise”
Katy Perry feat. Kanye West, “E.T.”
Thirty Seconds To Mars, “Hurricane”
Eminem feat. Rihanna, “Love The Way You Lie”
Adele, “Rolling In The Deep”

BEST EDITING
Katy Perry feat. Kanye West, “E.T.”
Thirty Seconds To Mars, “Hurricane”
Adele, “Rolling In The Deep”
Kanye West feat. Rihanna & Kid Cudi, “All Of The Lights”
Manchester Orchestra, “Simple Math”

BEST SFX (SPECIAL EFFECTS)
Manchester Orchestra, “Simple Math”
Katy Perry feat. Kanye West, “E.T.”
Kanye West, “Power”
Linkin Park, “Waiting For The End”
Chromeo, “Don’t Turn The Lights On” SOURCE

All right, let’s focus on the positives: First, Adele was nominated for seven awards. And Justin Bieber was only nominated for one, which I guess means we’ve finally learned to stop encouraging him, although Chris Brown has three for some reason, so if that isn’t the final nail in the coffin of MTV’s integrity, I don’t know what is.

MTV 2011 VMAs

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Derrrrr, the ‘Jersey Shore’ (S4) trailer is out!

July 19, 2011 12:14 PM by Leave a Comment Filed Under: Famewhores, Reality Tagged With: ,

So the fourth season of Jersey Shore is coming soon, and they’ve released the trailer and … and … oh God, I think it’s actually making me dumber (if that’s possible). Anyway, it features Snooki taking her car and making the crashey crashey into the police, and they got angry and made the cars go “WOOOOOO! WOOOOOO!” and she went to the bad guy time-out place, and then the big one hit the situation on the face and the whores threw the glasses and drank mommy’s special no-cry juice and everyone loved everyone and it was the best summer ever herppy derpy derrrrrrrrr.

Jersey Shore

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Vinny left the ‘Jersey Shore’

July 5, 2011 6:36 AM by Leave a Comment Filed Under: Famewhores Tagged With: , ,

What’s this? Another major star leaving another major show? Man, I hope this doesn’t become a running theme today (wait for the next post …) Anyway, Vinny Guadagnino has decided to grab his watermelon dick and go home in the middle of the fifth season of Jersey Shore, I’m assuming after he realized he was on the Jersey Shore and that he would forever be known as the guy who caught every STD from Snooki.

As TMZ first reported, Vinny bolted from the house after fighting with another cast member … and made a beeline for home in Staten Island. In the video, you see Vinny hop in a cab and drive away … all while an MTV cameraman films from just a few feet away. As you can see below, Pauly D was with Vinny at one point as he loaded up the cab to leave. SOURCE

Really? It took him five years to look around and think “Oh my God, this is what my life has become? Screw you guys, I’m going home”? Personally, I would have drowned myself in the hot tub sometime during the first season after I realized my only contribution to society would be a show about melanoma trolls, but I guess he’s just slow to the take.

Vinny Guadagnino

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‘Jersey Shore’ is getting recast?

June 24, 2011 8:24 AM by Leave a Comment Filed Under: Famewhores Tagged With: ,

So you know how the cast of Jersey Shore has been pressuring MTV for more and more money despite the fact that they’re all useless, no-talent dumb-dumbs? Well, it looks like the cable network is about to take its ball and go home, because reports are going around saying that the current cast is getting das boot so that they can fill the show up with newer, cheaper, equally talentless models.

With the self-described guidos, former anonymous partiers from the northeast, now making at least $100,000 per episode after protracted negotiations, MTV wants to go cheaper, Us Magazine reports. That would mean, following next season, the show’s fifth, it will be goodbye to Snooki, The Situation, Pauly D and the rest of the gang. Don’t worry about them, though (if, indeed you were for some reason): MTV plans on cashing in on those stars in other ways. The Situation just signed a development deal with the network, while Pauly D has his own show, as do Snooki and JWoww. SOURCE

What I’m getting out of this is that MTV finally sat down and said “Hmmmm … so you’re telling me that we can get a bunch of neanderthals and sluts who want to be paid to drink and fuck who are equally useless and relevant as our current cast, and we can get them for CHEAPER? GASP! Quick, someone throw bags of cash at eight stupid whores!”

Jersey Shore

UPDATE: “We love the present cast, and their summer adventures have just begun,” a spokesperson for the network told Access Hollywood on Friday. “We currently have no plans to recast the show.” SOURCE

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The 2011 MTV Movie Awards happened …

June 6, 2011 10:58 AM by Leave a Comment Filed Under: Awards Tagged With: ,

Once again, since I have no intention of spending fifty bajillion posts on an awards show that the rewards sparkly vampires and tiny canadian lez-bots. Therefore, I’m taking all the most important parts from last night’s MTV Movie Awards and condensing them into one mega-post. Like a mutli-vitamin of bitchiness.

  • Twilight won fucking everything. No, really, it won everything. Best movie, best actor, best actress, best fight scene and best kiss. Awful. On the plus side, Chloe Grace Moretz won best badass and breakout star, while Emma Stone won best comedic performance and Ellen Page won an award for acting terrified in basically one scene, so all in all, it’s not that bad.
  • Oh, wait, I take it back. Justin Bieber‘s Never Say Never won Best Jaw Dropping Moment because … fuck if I know. It’s because he’s Justin Bieber basically. And in his acceptance speech, he pandered to his audience by saying that his girlfriend would never change him and that his fans always come first. Guess who didn’t get any that night?
  • Taylor Lautner and Robert Pattinson kissed for the first time. The first time in public at least. So that’s fun.
  • Reese Witherspoon won a generation award, and in her acceptance speech, she dissed reality TV famewhores (yay!) and people who like to show it off on the Internet (boo!) and everyone is saying that this was a dig at Blake Lively. Sure, why not?
  • For a full list of the winners, go here.

Jason Sudeikis

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Lady Gaga got an honorary degree from MTVU!

May 20, 2011 8:02 AM by Leave a Comment Filed Under: Lady Gaga Tagged With: ,

What’s more annoying than celebrities getting honorary degrees from real universities despite not actually doing anything? Celebrities getting honorary degrees from fake universities for not doing anything! But for some reason, Lady Gaga will be getting a degree from MTVU (yes, it does stand for MTV University) for doing … something. I think. Also, Daniel Tosh from Tosh.0 is getting one too. I suddenly feel way better about dropping out of CEGEP.

According to MTV, Gaga “has spearheaded a musical revolution and continues to send an inspirational message to college student everywhere.”  She will be honored in programming that airs Thursday at 3 p.m. ET/PT. Gaga will receive her “degree” after Comedy Central viral video guru Daniel Tosh and Ted Olson, a conservative lawyer fighting against California’s ban on same-sex marriage. MTV’s college network has been awarding “honorary degrees” to influential individuals who resonate with college students since 2005. SOURCE

Wait, so you’re telling me that all I need to do to get a college degree is to be gay, share viral videos with people and make fun of stupid people? Jesus, what do you think I’ve been doing for the past two years? Where the hell is my degree? Ugh, this system is a total farce. A farce wrapped in a fart. Well whatever, I don’t need your stupid degree, I already have my English degree! (For the sake of clarification, my “English Degree” is actually a cocktail napkin with the words “English Degree” sharpied on it.)

Lady Gaga

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Bad News: The next season of ‘Jersey Shore’ is still on

May 9, 2011 11:38 AM by Leave a Comment Filed Under: Famewhores, Reality Tagged With: ,

Dammit, and we were *this* close too … anyway, despite rumors that the next season of Jersey Shore was delayed indefinitely (which is just fancy talk for CANCELED) because the Italian government didn’t want a bunch of slutty, drunk, faux Italians running around their city, it turns out the show is still on and it’s only been delayed slightly because the president of Italy is in town, and therefore they can’t film until the president leaves or Italy votes for a new one. Whichever comes first.

Our sources say there’s so much security and hoopla over the President’s visit Thursday, it would be too much of a hassle to shoot around it.  So they’re waiting till the Prez leaves, but shooting will begin late this week. Sources say stories circulating that production was shut down because the show couldn’t get city permits are bogus. Everyone is ready to roll, as soon as Mr. President says arrivederci. SOURCE

What the crap, Italy? You guys could have stopped this at any time. You could have looked at this and said “We have in our power the authority to make sure no one has to see Jersey Shore for just a little while longer”, but NOOOOOOOO. You just let it happen. You’re dead to me, Italy. I don’t think countries can actually die, but you get the point. You’re dead to me! Dead like Lincoln!

Jersey Shore

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MTV’s Judy McGrath steps down!

May 6, 2011 10:02 AM by Leave a Comment Filed Under: People Tagged With: ,

Judy McGrath, MTV Networks Chairman and Chief Executive is leaving the network she’s been with for three decades now. McGrath began as a copywriter in 1981 and quickly rose to the top over the years, serving in different positions such as editorial director, creative director as well as executive vice president until finally in 2004 she ascended to the Chairman position she holds today. During her tenure she has helped the powerful network and its holdings (including not only MTV and MTV2 but other Viacom properties including Spike, Nickelodeon, Comedy Central, VH1, and TV Land) turn from cable channels into powerhouse global brands. In a statement released yesterday she had this to say of her career: “Creatively, financially, all the brands and businesses are in wonderful shape today. I leave with pride, joy and gratitude for the ride of a lifetime.” McGrath doesn’t plan to retire, instead she has every intention to try something new.

Judy McGrath

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Obvious Teen Moms are obvious

May 5, 2011 10:44 AM by Leave a Comment Filed Under: Famewhores Tagged With: , ,

In another fantastic example of closing the barn door after the horse has run off and gotten pregnant for money that the horse then spent on big fake tits and crystal meth, the cast of MTV’s Teen Mom went ahead and made a PSA about how becoming a mother at such a young age was the worst thing to ever happen to them. You know, as long as you ignore the fact that they actually make decent money for doing exactly that, and they really didn’t have that many career aspirations beyond being white trash whores. Seriously, if she didn’t have a baby, do you think you’d ever hear the words “Please welcome to the stage, Secretary of State Amber Portwood“? No, of course not.

Teen Mom

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