Quantcast
WHEN MUSIC POPS, WE TURN IT UP

Surprise! Kim Kardashian & Kanye West ARE NOT getting married!

Surprise! Kim Kardashian & Kanye West ARE NOT getting married!
July 19, 2013 JEREMY FEIST

Kim Kardashian & Kanye West

You want to know how slow a news day it is? We’re reporting a story from RadarOnline about how Kim Kardashian and Kanye West ARE NOT getting married. Seriously, it’s so slow we have to update you on how the status quo is being maintained. Apparently, it’s too gawd damn hot for celebrities to act like complete morons. Curse this infernal heat wave!

Kris Jenner believes not enough time has passed from Kim’s messy divorce battle with Kris Humphries, several sources revealed to Radar. “This will be Kim’s third marriage, and Kris doesn’t think the Kardashian brand can handle another divorce,” a family insider said. “Kris would be happy if Kim and Kanye never married because he doesn’t let her call the shots.” Another source confirmed Kanye has put off wedding talk and made it clear it simply will not happen this year. “Kanye think Kris will want a big televised wedding,” the source said. “And he’s really not up for that. He loves Kim but he hates all the scrutiny that comes from being with her. When the photographers follow him, he flips out.

I like how Kim and Kanye aren’t getting married because it’s way too early and they both have volatile personalities that all but ensure they wouldn’t work out long term, but because they’re both still trying to figure out how to play this for optimum press. Yeah, I remember when my parents got married, it was only after months of meticulous networking among the media to make sure they got on the cover of the West-Island Gazette. Because a couple’s marital happiness is directly proportional to how much they can mooch off of advertisers when they sell the film rights to E!

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.