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Spring TV 2012: Your Tuesday night survival guide!

Spring TV 2012: Your Tuesday night survival guide!
January 10, 2012 DAVE Q
Spring TV 2012: Your Tuesday night survival guide!

TelevisionBytes with NineDaves

So the Spring 2012 TV season is upon us, and if you’re anything like me, you’re probably stressed about how you’re going to find time to watch all your shows. Never fear – NineDaves is here with a week-long Survival Guide for Spring TV 2012! We’ve already tackled Monday. Now, let’s see what you should be watching, DVRing, streaming, reading about, and ignoring on Tuesday nights:

Spring TV 2012: Your Tuesday night survival guide!

WHAT TO WATCH LIVE:

Glee All hail Santana. She’s pretty much the only reason to watch Glee these days. Naya Rivera’s sassy, soulful bitch cheerleader has come a long way since season one. No longer just the one-dimensional mean girl robot, her coming out journey this season was unpredictable, exciting, and refreshingly lacking all the melodrama and pandering that surrounded Kurt’s coming out story. Moreover, unlike Kurt who cried in the corner and changed schools when he came out, Santana channeled all of her inner angst into her performances. And boy, did they rock. Like, how ah-mazing was that Rumor Has It / Someone Like You mashup? I still can’t stop listening to it. Just brilliant.

While Santana was stealing every scene she was in (sorry Jane Lynch – Sue Sylvester is sooo over, everyone else was sucking a big one all over the place. Like, Quin’s become a complete Emily Valentine-esque lunatic. Rachel and Finn and Kurt and Blaine did the impossible by making sex so incredibly lame, I’m pretty sure no teenager watching would ever want to do it. And Mr. Shu just may be the worst teacher ever. Honestly, the only other good thing about the show this season was Mercedes and her renegade Troubletones group. And guess what? That storyline is over. Oh well – at least we’ll still have Santana and all her glory!

Justified Justified is really about the villains, and without Margo Martindale, I’m pretty sure there’s no way FX’s Justified is going to be able to top its exceptional second season. But not matter how much we’ll miss Mags Bennett, we can’t forget that there are bigger villains out there. Like Boyd Crowder (Walton Goggins). And season three newbies Neal McDonough and Mykelti Williamson, who’ll play some bad-ass mofos who show up to cause trouble. Would Justified have it any other way?

WHAT TO DVR:

Cougar Town The cul-de-sac crew is set to return to ABC for their third season this March – and probably sooner, considering how Work Itis the worst sitcom of the past 10 years (and yes, I’m including 2007’s Cavemen in that list).  And it’s about time! I’ve missed Courteney Cox, Christa Miller, Ian Gomez, Brian Van Hold, Dan Byrd, Josh Hopkins, and the ah-mazing Busy Phillips since they’ve been off the air last Spring. And although ABC clearly isn’t giving Cougar Town a shot (they’ve reduced the episode order of this season from 22 to 15), I couldn’t possibly imagine life without these folks … and a good round of penny can.

The Real Housewives of Orange County Will someone please put Vicki Gunvalson out of her misery?  It’s been seven seasons of The Real Housewives of Orange County, and she just won’t quit it. Ever hear that phrase, “you don’t want to be the last one to leave the party,” Gunvalson? Get outta there.

Dance Moms How many times do I have to tell you people this? Do not mess with Abby Lee Miller. She’s like the honey badger of reality TV. She doesn’t give a fuck! She will scream at you in front of everyone – no matter where you are. And regardless of whose fault it is, you’re always going to end up the loser. Because Abby Lee Miller always wins. Even when she doesn’t make sense. See this quip from one of this season’s smackdowns: “I did not say your kid wasn’t talented. I made her – I know she’s talented!” Do you have any idea what that means? Yeah, me either. But do you think Abby’s right? Yeah, me too.

Parenthood If you haven’t been watching this phenomenal family drama, then you’re missing out on superb performances (Lauren Graham, Peter Kraus, Monica Potter, Erika Christensen, Dax Shepard, and Craig T. Nelson – all at their best), compelling storylines, and the most realistic portrait of family I’ve seen in years. Jump in and check it out now. Believe me – you’ll thank me later.

Fashion Star NBC has a habit of taking a long time to jump on trends. When every network started coming out with music-competition shows in the wake of American Idol, NBC waited until they had something different to offer. And that bet was worth it, as The Voice went on to be a massive hit.

Now NBC is hoping to strike gold again with Fashion Star, their entry into the fashion competition show market. Unlike Project Runway (and the plethora of lame-ass wannabes that came after it), Fashion Star isn’t interested in the opinions of a few fashion experts. Instead, the audience is the judge. 14 designers are competing to launch their lines at Macy’s, H&M, and Saks Fifth Avenue. Each week, buyers from those stories purchase designs from our contestants. Those designs will immediately be available in their respective stories – and whatever doesn’t sell, sends the designer home. Cool concept right?

Of course, that’s not all that keeps Fashion Star fresh. The show pairs designers up with celebrity mentors Jessica Simpson, Nicole Richie, and John Varvatos – three people who know a thing or two about launching their own fashion empires. They’re a nice differentiation from the stiff fashion judges we’re used to seeing. Of course, with Elle Macpherson hosting, we’ll still have someone mispronouncing words left and right. So at least there’s that.

WHAT TO WATCH ONLINE:

New Girl I know you guys out there really like Zooey Deschanel. But I still think she’s annoying as fuck, and refuse to give into quirky, “isn’t she so weird and unique and charming” bullshit you all seem blinded by. But since I know you really want to watch this unfunny comedy, I’ll let you watch it online. But if – and only if – you agree to roll your eyes at something Zooey’s character does at least once. Deal?

Southland When you weren’t watching, TNT’s Southland became the best cop drama on television – with Ben McKenzie, Regina King, and Shawn Hatosy putting in three of the most dynamic, compelling performances I’ve ever seen. The pacing can be a little slow from time to time (in a Mad Men sorta way). But as soon as the action starts, you’ll realize just how much you need a down moment to catch your breath.

WHAT TO READ ABOUT ONLINE THE NEXT DAY:

Sara Michelle Gellar has a huge fanboy/fangirl following, so you may hear a lot of chatter about Ringer. It’s one of the worst shows ever, so you probably won’t want to waste your time watching it. But a quick skim over a recap should keep you in the conversation. You may want to also check to see who got voted off DWTS.

WHAT TO IGNORE:

ABC Family has turned out a lot of great teen dramas in the past few years. Switched at Birth is not one of them. Tim Allen’s Last Man Standing and Work It would be a great hour of comedy to watch, if either of those shows were funny. Instead, they should be used as torture devices in North Korean prisons. And the only thing I’ve been able to remember about Unforgettable is that Poppy Montgomery slips in and out of her American accent so much, you have to wonder why the producers didn’t just make her character Australian in the first place.