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Separating: Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison

Separating: Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison
November 1, 2013 JEREMY FEIST

UPDATE: It’s official, Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison are getting a divorce.

Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison

I know, I know, we all thought teen bride Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison were going to last forever. But like the sweetest rose, or Courtney’s rapidly decaying black market breast implants, everything eventually withers away and turns into a sagging necrotic pile of misery, and so it is that Courtney and Doug are allegedly going to split up after three years of marriage. Who could have possibly seen that one coming? RadarOnline reports …

“Doug knew he was taking a risk with the marriage, but he genuinely feel in love with Courtney and didn’t realize how much his life would be changed after they got married,” the source said. Now that Courtney has been experiencing fame on her own, the source said this played a major part in their split. “She is branching out and doing her own thing and Doug is getting left behind.” However, the source said the couple has been planning to announce the split in a very calculated way. “Everything with Courtney and Doug is so contrived, but he wasn’t with her at her Halloween party and she’s always doing things by herself lately. He just isn’t part of the scene anymore now. They’ll probably stage a photo opp just to pretend they’re still together though.”

So you’re telling me that a sixteen-year old girl desperately seeking fame (in collusion with a mother willing to enable her attention-starved parenting failure) and a 52-year-old actor delusional enough to marry a teenager couldn’t make it work? Oh Gawd, what hope is there for the rest of us? THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS LOVE! LOVE IS DEAD! AIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.