Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber split up yet again!

Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber

If you haven’t been following them because, unlike me, you’re not contractually obligated to care if Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are doing it, allow me to recap for you: They started dating a couple years back, and then they broke up, and then got back together, then broke up, then … actually, just repeat that pattern about a billion times and you’ll have a general idea. Anyway, it’s been all of a week since they got back together, so here’s RadarOnline with the latest “ZOMG they broke up!” report …

The young lovers have been on-and-off for more than two years, most recently breaking up in May when Selena confirmed the split to a Boston radio station saying, “Yep,” when asked if she was available. According to a source close to the “Slow Down” singer, friends — including pop star Taylor Swift — have been urging Selena to cut all ties with Bieber for quite some time. “Selena’s no angel herself, but Justin is certainly not the type of boy she needs,” the insider exclusively told Radar. “She’s finally taken some of their advice to heart and swears it’s finally over with him, for good. She doesn’t see herself getting back together with him and just needs to move on.

All right, listen up kids, because I’m only saying this once: Next time you two decide to make another go at this? We’re handcuffing the two of you together. Forever. Choose now bitches, because I’ve seen light switches that go from on to off less than you two do. At this point, if the two of you can’t figure this out for yourselves, maybe you indecisive asses deserve each other.

Jeremy Feist About Jeremy Feist

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.

Super Fresh Gossip From Around The Web!

Whitney Houston / Yaya Dacosta ANTM's Yaya DaCosta takes on Whitney Houston in Lifetime biopic of the singer's life OMG Blog
Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes 'literally could not be more excited' about their baby Celebitchy
Lea Michele and the Glee cast share heartfelt messages about Cory Moneith :( PopSugar
Hugh Jackman recently shaved his head to play Blackbeard in the Peter Pan movie! SOW
Zac Efron has apaprently been hooking up with Michelle Rodriguez since 2011?! The Blemish
Glee's Becca Tobin's boyfriend, Matt Bendik, was found dead in his hotel room! ICYDK
The day we all haven't been waiting for is here, Paris Hilton has a new single out Celebslam
Oh my word ... this is one red carpet fashion disaster that no one should see! Hollywood Tuna
Watch: Sexy Dolce & Gabbana models hit on you ... while they suck on helium! Oh La La
Someone tell Lindsay Lohan that talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words Evil Beet
Brody Jenner went to Reggie Bush's wedding after skipping Kim Kardashian's wedding! Dlisted