WHEN MUSIC POPS, WE TURN IT UP
WHEN MUSIC POPS, WE TURN IT UP

Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber split up yet again!

Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber split up yet again!

Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber

If you haven’t been following them because, unlike me, you’re not contractually obligated to care if Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are doing it, allow me to recap for you: They started dating a couple years back, and then they broke up, and then got back together, then broke up, then … actually, just repeat that pattern about a billion times and you’ll have a general idea. Anyway, it’s been all of a week since they got back together, so here’s RadarOnline with the latest “ZOMG they broke up!” report …

The young lovers have been on-and-off for more than two years, most recently breaking up in May when Selena confirmed the split to a Boston radio station saying, “Yep,” when asked if she was available. According to a source close to the “Slow Down” singer, friends — including pop star Taylor Swift — have been urging Selena to cut all ties with Bieber for quite some time. “Selena’s no angel herself, but Justin is certainly not the type of boy she needs,” the insider exclusively told Radar. “She’s finally taken some of their advice to heart and swears it’s finally over with him, for good. She doesn’t see herself getting back together with him and just needs to move on.

All right, listen up kids, because I’m only saying this once: Next time you two decide to make another go at this? We’re handcuffing the two of you together. Forever. Choose now bitches, because I’ve seen light switches that go from on to off less than you two do. At this point, if the two of you can’t figure this out for yourselves, maybe you indecisive asses deserve each other.

JEREMY FEIST
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.