For some reason, In Touch decided to report that Sandra Bullock and Brett Ratner hooked up after the Oscars, even though Sandra is a ten and Brett is, at best, a two. Maybe two-and-a-half if you’re drunk to the point of blindness. Anyway, Sandra did the most logical thing when faced with rumors that she had sex with Brett: Set herself on fire because seriously, Brett Ratner? His penis is a fate worse than death released a statement denying the rumor. Us Weekly:
In a joint statement, the Blind Side star and Tower Heist director tell Us Weekly: “We think that it’s incredibly sad that in these times, this magazine would resort to complete fabrication, solely for financial gain. There is not a shred of accuracy in their story. We have not seen nor spoken to each for over a decade. We both had a great time after the Oscars, just not with each other.”
Once again, Sandra is a much classier person than I, because if someone accused me of sleeping with Brett, my first response would be “Do I smell like shrimp grease and daddy issues? Do I? DO I?!?!?!” before rubbing against the noses of reporters until they emphatically agreed that I would never stick any of Brett’s shrimp-rubbed appendages into my secret garden.