Sandra Bullock and Brett Ratner didn’t hook up!

For some reason, In Touch decided to report that Sandra Bullock and Brett Ratner hooked up after the Oscars, even though Sandra is a ten and Brett is, at best, a two. Maybe two-and-a-half if you’re drunk to the point of blindness. Anyway, Sandra did the most logical thing when faced with rumors that she had sex with Brett: Set herself on fire because seriously, Brett Ratner? His penis is a fate worse than death released a statement denying the rumor. Us Weekly:

In a joint statement, the Blind Side star and Tower Heist director tell Us Weekly: “We think that it’s incredibly sad that in these times, this magazine would resort to complete fabrication, solely for financial gain. There is not a shred of accuracy in their story. We have not seen nor spoken to each for over a decade. We both had a great time after the Oscars, just not with each other.”

Once again, Sandra is a much classier person than I, because if someone accused me of sleeping with Brett, my first response would be “Do I smell like shrimp grease and daddy issues? Do I? DO I?!?!?!” before rubbing against the noses of reporters until they emphatically agreed that I would never stick any of Brett’s shrimp-rubbed appendages into my secret garden.

Sandra Bullock and Brett Ratner - In Touch

Jeremy Feist About Jeremy Feist

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.

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