Ryan Seacrest is a harbinger of pestilence!

It would be easy to blame Ryan Seacrest for everything that’s wrong with America. Probably because it’s true. This is the guy who made the Kardashianfamily a thing, so clearly, he is a very special and malicious kind of evil. Not only that, but Ryan is partially to blame for American Idol, and yesterday he went on the show with a terrible illness. To be fair, he’s probably just a hard worker and he loves his job, except the first thing he did when the cameras started rolling was kiss Jennifer Lopez and then rubbed himself all over the contestants. Awesome move. TMZ reports:

We broke the story — Ryan came close to bailing on the show. He had a terrible stomach virus, was throwing up the night before and all day yesterday, and went through 2 IV bags in a matter of hours. He didn’t make it to the rehearsal and Nigel Lythgoe was ready to step in. Take a look at the video. He hugs and kisses Jennifer Lopez, hugs Randy Jackson and Steven Tyler, puts his arm around Jessica and shakes her hand, puts his arm around Skylar, shakes Joshua’s hand twice, puts his arm around Phillip and does the same with Hollie.

If Contagion has taught me anything, it’s that this will probably turn into a world-destroying super flu that nobody will remember, except for that one part where Gwyneth Paltrow died because everyone just really does not like her for some reason. Go figs.

Ryan Seacrest

Jeremy Feist About Jeremy Feist

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.

Super Fresh Gossip From Around The Web!

Madonna "Two Steps Behind Me" Lady Gaga Diss Track Madonna disses Lady Gaga on her rumored upcoming track "Two Steps Behind Me" The Blemish
Adam Levine feels 'slightly more masculine, more like a man' now that he's married Celebitchy
Beyoncé and Jay Z's Labor Day PDA puts an end to those rampant divorce rumors! PopSugar
Oh Dear: Girls' Lena Dunham Instagrammed a photo of herself just as she woke up ... SOW
Truth: Courtney Stodden will never come close to being a legend like Marilyn Monroe! ICYDK
Hacked: The greatest celebrity nude photo leak of all time is now upon us all! Celebslam
Start your week out right ... listen to Nicki Minaj's "Anaconda" (The Fart Remix) OMG Blog
Want to see naked photos from the celebrity cellphone hack of the century? Hollywood Tuna
Matthew Terry is the ultimate Calvin Klein model ... from jeans to underwear–hot! Oh La La
Ugh: Jenny McCarthy and Donnie Wahlberg simply could not wait to get married! Evil Beet
Baby North West has already totally mastered an expert-level 'over it' expression ... Dlisted