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WHEN MUSIC POPS, WE TURN IT UP

All T, All Shade: Can I Get An Amen?

All T, All Shade: Can I Get An Amen?
March 5, 2013 JEREMY FEIST
RuPaul's Drag Race

RuPaul's Drag Race

While this season doesn’t seem to have any work room divisions (e.g. S3’s Heathers vs. Boogers) there is a fair amount of co-dependency on this season of RuPaul’s Drag Race: Namely, RoLaskaTox and the Coco-Alyssa feud. Everyone in that workroom seems to be focused on someone other than themselves, and unfortunately, if the girls can’t get their eyes on the prize, they all risk going home crownless. This week saw the queens putting together a “We Are The World” style drag anthem, and self-sabotaging themselves by worrying about the other queens. So how’d they do? Well …

Alaska – Safe

You know, I was worried about Alaska this week based on that teaser the featured her shrieking into the microphone, but it turns out, Alaska actually did pretty well. She can actually sing, her lyrics were pretty good, and her looks worked pretty well for her. Honestly, I’m not sure why exactly the judges went in on her as hard as they did, but… Actually, we’ll discuss that in a bit.

Alyssa Edwards – Bottom 3

I wasn’t huge on Alyssa at first, but as the season goes on, I’m starting to understand what exactly her character is: She’s kinda like the theatre nerd in high school who thought she was the most popular girl there, but she was actually a huge nerd, but you kinda love her more for it. Alyssa may secretly by the nerdiest queen on this season (The Legend of Zelda shirt? SMITTEN) and I’m falling for her a bit, but yeesh. That singing. Still, her ability to maintain professionalism, and the message from her father in Untucked, saved her for me.

Coco Montrese – Bottom 2

You can go now Coco. Aaaaaaaaaaanytime now. Coco went from being the wise mother hen to the most petulant one there really fast, and she doesn’t have anyone to blame but herself. I get that she still has some unpleasant feelings toward Alyssa, but the more she clings to those, the more obnoxious she becomes. When she tried to start sh!t in the recording studio, and when she eye-rolled her way through her performance, it was clear she was lip synching. And her runway look… I hope Phi Phi O’Hara was watching, because THAT is what Party City looks like. It’s a good thing she can lip synch, or she’d be going right home.

Detox – Safe

Detox this week was just… Okay. I loved her runway outfit, mostly because I love anything with fetish overtones, and her performance was okay, but it was just very “there.” It’s clear that she and Roxxxy are going to end up having a KaiKai, but if they don’t snap out of it and focus on their game, it’s going to blow up in their face. (And judging by next week’s promo, it just might.)

Ivy Winters – Winner

Out of all the queens, Ivy is probably one of the most talented girls this season, and probably one of the most talented to ever make her way on the show. That being said, I almost wrote her off because she wasn’t really imbuing any of her unique talents into her performances. That being said, she killed it this week, and I’m so happy to see her finally bringing it. Hopefully, she can bring more of her circus-seamstress-opera singer realness into the rest of the competition.

Jade Jolie – Sashay Away

Jade’s a really sweet girl, and just adorable to boot, but she’s been kinda coasting for the past few weeks, to the point where I kinda knew her days were numbered. But when the producers started including her back story, I knew she wasn’t long for this competition. Her performance was a little bit shy, and her Rainbow Dash runway look didn’t really work quite as well standing still as it did in motion. In all fairness, she killed it in the lip synch, but she just got edged out.

Jinkx Monsoon – Top 2

Holy hell, Jinkx has PIPES. Seriously, I thought she would have won this challenge, but I guess the judges thought that this was a make-up challenge. Which I … I don’t get it. Remember all the queens on the show who were nothing but pretty? Yeah, me neither. Pretty only stays with you for a few seconds, but an entertainer can keep you enthralled for the entire night. Once again, I’d sooner take 1,000 Jinkxes over one boring fish queen any day of the week. In the words of Alexis Mateo, you want to see a real girl? Go to the mall.

Roxxxy Andrews – Safe

Admittedly, Roxxxy can’t sing for sh!t, but she does know how to keep the party going. All in all, she did pretty well, if not spectacularly, but as I said with Detox, if she can’t keep her head in the game, she’s going to implode. Also: Sequines dress? Oh. Oh that’s so good.

The Judges – Y’all can go home too

Okay, we need to talk about the judges this season. What’s going on? Because something is terribly wrong when Santino Rice is the nice one. I love Michelle Visage, I really do, and for the past few years she’s been the one who is the most constructive with her criticism. That being said, I think Michelle has become … vicious. Not funny, not bitchy, not even poignant, just outright vitriolic. Most of her critiques weren’t even about the queens’ singing, which was WHAT THE ACTUAL CHALLENGE WAS ABOUT. Seriously, when she bitched out Alaska for not showing enough heart, and when RuPaul compared Alaska to Sharon Needles? You know what? I just felt like that was a really low-blow, ESPECIALLY coming from Ru herself. She should have known better. That being said, Santino is still cool.