All T, All Shade: Black Swan: Why It Gotta Be Black?

All T, All Shade: Black Swan: Why It Gotta Be Black?
February 19, 2013 JEREMY FEIST
RuPaul's Drag Race

RuPaul's Drag RaceOut of all the Sisyphean tasks RuPaul has ever dropped on her queens, putting together a ballet in the space of a few days may be the most impossible challenge ever on RuPaul’s Drag Race. Honestly, proper ballet is something that takes years of training to master, and asking a bunch of drag queens to get the steps down in a matter of days is like giving each of them a piece of coal and giving them a week to turn it into a diamond. Granted, it was still really funny, and the queens did pretty well given their situation, but this still felt a bit like they were doomed to fail. Well, all but one anyway …

Alaska – Safe

I almost wish Ru had given the queens a little more artistic liberty with the dance moves instead of asking them to adhere strictly to choreography, because if that had been the case, Alaska would have been top 3. Her dancing ability is limited at best, but her ability to portray characters — in this instance, Ru’s mother. — was amazing, and her comic timing in this challenge was top shelf. Her Russian mail-order bride chic, however, left something to be desired.

Alyssa Edwards – Winner

I have to really give credit where credit is due: Alyssa has really revamped her image since the first episode. When she first got on the show, she was just swinging bitch in every direction, but she actually softened up, just in time to win her first challenge. Her dancing ability is second to none in this competition, and her willingness to make fun of her weird make up faces? Adorable. Honestly, keep this up, keep your nose out of that stupid feud, and you’ll go far.

Coco Montrese – Safe

What happened here? Picking Alyssa straight out of the gate for your team? Whaaaaaaaa? Honestly, this week was much better for Coco, who finally stopped wasting so much time and energy on her feud with Alyssa and started actually competing. Actually, the two of them have been so vague about their little feud that I’m like completely certain both of them have forgotten what they’re even fighting about, and are just getting pissed at each other because they can.

Detox – Safe

I love her, but this was just kind of a so-so week for Detox. She did well, don’t get me wrong, but she didn’t really stand out this week. Granted, she had to work with Honey Mahogany, and there’s really no escaping that vortex of suck. And I really did love her mainstage look this week.

Honey Mahogany – Sashay Away

I wanted to like Honey Mahogany. I really did. But oy vey, what ha-happened here? Honey just didn’t bring it in the competition. Her and Vivienne made the fatal mistake of resting on pretty, so it wasn’t a huge surprise when they had to lip-synch against one another. But then they committed the most fatal of sins: They both lip-synched to Britney Spears‘ “Oops … I Did It Again!” and they were both boring. They both just walked back and forth along the stage while moving their lips, prompting Ru to throw her hands up and say, “F**k it, you’re both going home. That’s how badly you both suck.”

Ivy Winters – Top 3

Ivy did a really good job this week, and I was especially in love with her mainstage look, but I still get the feeling that she’s not bringing enough personality to the competition. Objectively, she’s very talented, she’s stunning, and she makes beautiful garments. But there’s just something missing in all of this, and until she brings a little humanity into the mix, I just don’t see her winning.

Jade Jolie – Safe

Now that Serena Chihuahua is gone, Jade is the baby of the group, and unfortunately, she’s kinda showing her age. Look, I get that she wasn’t happy that she got picked last, but the lack of maturity there makes me feel like she doesn’t have the emotional and mental strength to really take this competition. As the competition gets down to the wire, she’s not going to have the luxury of the other queens taking time to comfort her, and if she can’t carry herself, she’s going to fall behind, fast.

Jinkx Monsoon – Top 3

Is it wrong that I was hoping that Jinkx would have won this one? I think she managed to strike a good balance between hitting all the right steps and injecting some fun and creativity in between to put it over the top. Does she have the the poise and grace of Alyssa? Not quite, but I think she knows how to find a sweetspot between polish and camp.

Lineysha Sparx – Safe

Does anyone else feel like the initial momentum Lineysha had going for is running out fast? I think she got a good jump on the competition in the first couple of episodes, but it’s starting to feel like she’s either severely hit-and-miss, or she set a pace that isn’t sustainable. Her performance this week was just sort of meh, and the talking head segment where she completely froze when the producers asked her who Diana Ross was doesn’t bode too well for her.

Roxxxy Andrews – Bottom 3

Did Roxxxy bring it this week? Not really, no. To be fair, asking the queens to put together a ballet in the space of two days isn’t really indicative of overall talent, but she did kind of stumble after a string of highs. I still think Roxxxy will go really far in the competition, but oooooo, girl, this was not your week.

Vivienne Pinay – Sashay Away

Vivienne Pinay was a queen who was there.