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All T, All Shade: Sugar Ball

All T, All Shade: Sugar Ball
April 16, 2013 JEREMY FEIST
RuPaul's Drag Race

RuPaul's Drag Race

With only four queens left on this fifth season of RuPaul’s Drag Race, it’s time again for the annual ball challenge. Four queens, three categories, and by the end of the night one girl will have to sashay away. With the stakes heightened, it also means the queens will be taking every chance they get to cut a competitor’s throats, and two queens in particular took every chance they could today to cut a fellow sister down. So who had sweet dreams and who had beautiful nightmares? Well …

Alaska – Winner

After a rough pad-job last week, Alaska more than made up for some wonky hips by dominating literally every moment of the night. Not only was her puppet bitch-fest with her Roxxxy doll the clear winner, but every runway look she put together for the judges was fully-realized. Her Super Duper Sweet 16 was every bit the spoiled little rich bitch, but her executive realness took a chance that paid off in spades, and her cotton candy couture was stunning and editorial. Even her choreography was pulled off with aplomb. As it stands, she stands a good chance of winning after all.

Detox – Sashay Away

Back when the season first started, I said that Detox was the one to beat. I’ll still admit that Detox was the one to beat, but unfortunately, she got beat and she got beat HARD. She’s been fading in recent weeks, and when she hit the stage in her runway looks, it kinda felt like she was stuck in the 80’s just a little too hard, and her black liquorice/neon green outfit looked like the penny candy no one wants to eat. (And it didn’t help that she kept tripping over it.) It didn’t help matters that she and Roxxxy were particularly catty this week to Jinkx, but when Ru comes at you in the workroom and asks you if you’re actually in it to win it, it’s clear you’re not going to make it through the night.

Jinkx Monsoon – Bottom 2

A couple weeks back, I guessed that this was going to be the challenge where Jinkx’s winning streak faltered. Turns out, I was sadly right. Jinkx isn’t really a ball queen, she’s more of a performer, and that’s a good thing no matter how Roxxxy tries to spin it. But unfortunately, Jinkx just can’t put together looks the way the other three girls can. I liked her Coachella-realness sweet sixteen look, although her executive realness looked more University English professor. And while I kinda liked her reindeer/candy cane realness, I wasn’t as put together as some of the other queens. But when she hit the lip synch to Yma Sumac’s Malambo No. 1, it was clear she was going to take it. Her complete annihilation of Detox was one of the most one-sided lip synchs since Latrice Royale demolished Kenya Michaels just by standing still. Detox never stood a chance.

Roxxxy Andrews – Top 2

Roxxxy Andrews is proof that the prettiest dress will look like a tattered mess on someone that unpleasant. Roxxxy and Detox took every chance they could to show just how miserable they could be, and by the time they hit the runway, I was ready for her to go. Go bitch go. Her clothes were okay, but honey, A TEARAWAY IS NOT EXECUTIVE REALNESS. Congrats, Roxxxy, you’re this year’s Phi Phi O’Hara. Good for you, you get to be the also-ran. Yay.