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Robert Pattinson to break his silence on ‘The Daily Show’

Robert Pattinson to break his silence on ‘The Daily Show’
August 8, 2012 JEREMY FEIST
Robert Pattinson

You know how you’ll watch The Daily Show because it’s almost like real news, but with less screaming angry people and more funny people being funny, but then you’ll sort of just tune out on the act three interview because I mean, you’re cultured but you’re not that cultured, am I right? Well, uncultured slobs, get ready to actually pay attention during the interview portion for once, because Jon Stewart will be interviewing Robert Pattinson this Monday, marking the first time Rob has talked to the media since his emotionless, lip-biting ex cheated on him with a married dad. EW reports …

Sorry, Good Morning America: You just got scooped by Jon Stewart. EW has confirmed that Monday’s episode of The Daily Show will feature a guest appearance by Robert Pattinson — the actor’s first talk show visit since the world learned his girlfriend, fellow Twilight star Kristen Stewart, had cheated on him with Snow White and the Huntsman director Rupert Sanders. Pattinson is also scheduled to appear on GMA on Aug. 15, two days after he chats up Stewart. In both appearances, Pattinson will be promoting Cosmopolis, David Cronenberg’s adaptation of Don DeLillo’s 2003 novel. The film will premiere in theaters Aug. 17. The actor previously visited The Daily Show in March 2010.

Honestly, if you’re going to come out and talk about how your were cheated on by Kristen Stewart, the best thing you could probably do is go and talk to a comedian about it, because God knows Jon will have, like, weapons-grade shade to throw all over that smug, whiny emo bitch. Seriously, remember that time he went after that insane guy from Mad Money? Are you telling me he can’t go in on K-Stew? She scammed millions out of us just by biting her lip! VENGEANCE WILL BE OURS!

Robert Pattinson