Prince William and Kate Middleton are married!

Prince William and Kate Middleton are married!
April 29, 2011 JEREMY FEIST
Prince William and Kate Middleton

Oh thank GOD. After months of constant media scrutiny and breathless non-stories, Prince William finally married Kate Middleton earlier today which I didn’t actually see because (A) it starter at 3AM here and I don’t get up at 3AM for ANYONE, and (B) I have no idea why I’m supposed to be so filled with wonder at the idea of two rich white people who I’ll never meet are getting married to each other. But then again, I’m not English, so I’m guessing some of the wonder and enchantment gets lost on its voyage over the pond.

After making an immediately-iconic entrance in a custom-designed wedding gown by Alexander McQueen‘s Sarah Burton with her father Michael and sister Pippa at her side, the Duchess, 29, went through the doors of Westminster Abbey. Radiant in her gown (which featured a two meters, 70 centimeter train), Middleton was greeted by her groom, 28, for the first time. “You look beautiful,” Duke William mouthed to her.

After walking down the aisle with her father, she and William stood at the altar as the Archbishop of Canterbury conducted the simple ceremony. Asked the Archbishop: “William Arthur Phillip Louis, wilt thou have this woman?”

“I will,” William replied.

“Catherine Elizabeth, wilt thou have this man?”

“I will,” the bride said.

After William the ring on his love’s finger, the Archbishop declared: “I pronounce that they be man and wife together.” SOURCE

Now don’t get it twisted, I am happy for them. Really, I am! That being said, no marriage ever should warrant this much goddamn attention. Personally, I’m of the mind that unless a wedding goes off like one you see in a soap opera, I don’t really care. I’m talking shocking and sudden revelations of long lost evil twins, torrid affairs, and everyone’s favorite writer’s crutch, AMNESIA! I mean yes, the funny hats everyone was wearing was a nice touch, but nowhere near as interesting as Bernardo, Prince William’s evil twin who slept with his wife but doesn’t remember because he has AMNESIA! (See? More interesting.)

Prince William and Kate Middleton