Quantcast
WHEN MUSIC POPS, WE TURN IT UP

Paris Hilton is desperate to stay relevant!

Paris Hilton is desperate to stay relevant!
April 6, 2011 JEREMY FEIST
Paris Hilton

Allow me to preface this post with the following PSA to the guy who insists on keeping Paris Hilton in front of the camera: I will find you, and I will cut you (technically, it’s not a threat if you’re actually planning on doing it!) Anyway, Paris is about to launch her new reality TV show on Oxygen, since she’s no longer famous enough to air it on a real channel, which means it’s time for a bullshit PR spiel! Yay!

“Definitely this is the first time I’ve ever showed so much on a show. I’ve never let this much access and cameras into my life. So, they’re really gonna get to see everything from my family relationship to my relationship with my boyfriend,” she continued. “I think people are just gonna be surprised to see a Paris that they’ve never seen before. I think everyone is so used to seeing me on the red carpet and kind of the party lifestyle, but in the show they’re gonna get to see what happens behind closed doors when no one’s around. [They’ll] get to see the Paris that my friends and family know.” SOURCE

All right, it’s time to decode this with the patented PopBytes Bullshit-To-Actual-Human-Speech translator! Let me just set this to “racist, vapid, soulless has-been”, aaaaaaaaaand …

“Same old shit, different day. The only difference is that now whenever I ‘accidentally’ flash my vag at the camera, they’ll use a different censor image. Oh, and my family and boyfriends are in it too, because I’m going to show that bitch Kim Kardashian how a real, talentless fame-whore does it!”

And before I cap this off, one last zing:

Paris explained that her new show allows fans a real look into her life – including her romance with boyfriend NAME.

Yes, her boyfriend NAME. That is a quote, in no way edited, pulled from Access Hollywood. They’ve literally stopped even trying or caring to remember the name of whoever Paris Hilton’s fucking. At this point, they’re just like “All right, fuck it, who’s in Paris’ vagina this week? Anyone? Fuck it, just throw NAME up there, we’ll replace it when we figure out the douchebag’s name.”

Paris Hilton