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Paris Hilton: One of the top five DJs in the world?

Paris Hilton: One of the top five DJs in the world?
December 27, 2013 JEREMY FEIST

Paris Hilton

What’s that? You were feeling good about yourself after the holidays? Got to see your family and now you’re all happy again? Got some nice presents? Gave some sweet gifts yourself? Well, here comes the suck: Paris Hilton thinks she’s one of the top five DJs in the world, and she actually makes a stupidly huge amount of money for being so useless. And it’s gotten so bad that Paul Oakenfold actually had to step in to tell her off. TMZ reports …

World class DJ Paul Oakenfold not only scoffs at Paris Hilton’s claim she’s one of the top 5 DJs in the word … he can’t believe she had the audacity to say it! Oakenfold — who many consider the godfather of electronic music — was in disbelief that anyone — including Paris — would put herself at the top of the heap. But top 5 is subjective — Fact is Paris IS in demand. She performs all over the world including Ibiza — and we’re told she makes up to $350,000 an hour.

So basically, Paris earns three times the yearly salary of a doctor just for hitting play on a computer. Well then. F*ck it. There is no justice and the universe is a chaotic jumble of happenstance. We are all just microscopic life-forms clinging to a rock hurtling through nothing. Thanks Paris, you just made me go dark. I hope you and your huge floppy T-Rex feet are happy with yourselves.

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.