oprah is the most powerful celebrity … shocker?

Forbes has released their annual list of the The World’s Most Powerful 100 Celebrities. To the shock and surprise of absolutely no one, Oprah was #1 on the list for single-handedly convincing suburban housewives everywhere to put down the Xanax and pick up a book, Beyoncé took #2 for telling man to buy conflict-diamond rings, and James Cameron came in third for making a movie about giant smurfs. Yeah, that sounds about right.

Unsurprisingly, Oprah Winfrey tops the list–for the third time in four years–with $315 million in earnings over the past 12 months. The runner-up to Winfrey is triple threat Beyoncé Knowles, who earned $87 million last year and edged out director James Cameron, who made $210 million. (The Forbes list also factors in “fame” by tallying up TV/radio/blog mentions, Facebook fans, Twitter followers, etc.) Coming in fourth place–and making her debut on the list–is Lady Gaga, who collected $62 million over the past year, followed by scandal-ridden Tiger Woods, who made $105 million. SOURCE

Really? Gaga I can kind of understand since her fans tend to be batshit insane and she patently refuses to go away for like five friggin’ seconds, but Tiger Woods? Really? Well, I guess $105 million can pay off a lot of hookers. See kids? Take it from Tiger: If you want to succeed in life, be really good at a sport only pussies play, then fuck a lot of whores and crash your car on Thanksgiving. And now you know … and knowing is half the battle. (G.I. JOOOOOOOOOOOOE!!!)

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.