Forbes has released their annual list of the The World’s Most Powerful 100 Celebrities. To the shock and surprise of absolutely no one, Oprah was #1 on the list for single-handedly convincing suburban housewives everywhere to put down the Xanax and pick up a book, Beyoncé took #2 for telling man to buy conflict-diamond rings, and James Cameron came in third for making a movie about giant smurfs. Yeah, that sounds about right.
Unsurprisingly, Oprah Winfrey tops the list–for the third time in four years–with $315 million in earnings over the past 12 months. The runner-up to Winfrey is triple threat Beyoncé Knowles, who earned $87 million last year and edged out director James Cameron, who made $210 million. (The Forbes list also factors in “fame” by tallying up TV/radio/blog mentions, Facebook fans, Twitter followers, etc.) Coming in fourth place–and making her debut on the list–is Lady Gaga, who collected $62 million over the past year, followed by scandal-ridden Tiger Woods, who made $105 million. SOURCE
Really? Gaga I can kind of understand since her fans tend to be batshit insane and she patently refuses to go away for like five friggin’ seconds, but Tiger Woods? Really? Well, I guess $105 million can pay off a lot of hookers. See kids? Take it from Tiger: If you want to succeed in life, be really good at a sport only pussies play, then fuck a lot of whores and crash your car on Thanksgiving. And now you know … and knowing is half the battle. (G.I. JOOOOOOOOOOOOE!!!)