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Oh No: Does Justin Bieber have a sex tape now?

Oh No: Does Justin Bieber have a sex tape now?
February 3, 2014 JEREMY FEIST

Justin Bieber

Well, Justin Bieber‘s been accused of everything else at this point — weed, sizzurp, vandalism, property damage, being photographed coming out of a brothel, videotaped sleeping by a prostitute, calling a fan “a whale”, driving while impaired, assaulting a limo driver — so now allegedly he has a sex tape. From an orgy. Sure, why not. RadarOnline reports …

In a still image provided to RadarOnline, Bieber can be seen with his baseball cap on backwards, a security guard nearby and his two partners in crime, who are topless. The rest of the 12-minute “crystal clear” video sees Bieber in compromising positions and romping “with two strippers during which he spanks their bum and pulls off their panties with his teeth,” a source, who has watched the entire tape, revealed to Radar. The video is being shopped to various media outlets.

Look, not that there’s anything wrong with having a sex tape, but … yuck. Just yuck. Absolutely no one needs to see this. Anyone else, sure, but Justin? Some twiggy little rat-faced twink with bad tatts? Come on. You could record a vasectomy and it’d hold the same sexual appeal as a Justin orgy video.

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.