Oh Justin Bieber, what are you being sued for now?

Oh Justin Bieber, what are you being sued for now?
August 20, 2014 JEREMY FEIST

Justin Bieber

You’d figure that after copping two plea deals in the span of a year (hell, in the span of a month even) Justin Bieber might try and lay low for a while. Maybe take up knitting. Needlepoint perhaps? Except no, because he’s now being sued again, this time for allegedly orchestrating the beating of a paparazzi. Normally I’d say “just do you!” but the “you!” in question is fundamentally terrible. Be anyone else. Just do anyone other than you! TMZ reports …

Bieber was in Kauai last November at Shipwreck Beach and decided to cliff jump. Oxman says he took a photo on a public beach and Bieber sicked his bodyguard on him … ordering, “Go get his memory card and do whatever you have to do to get that card.” Oxman says that’s when the bodyguard opened a can of whoopass, took his camera and memory card. The bodyguard, Dwayne Patterson, was booked for 3rd degree assault and 4th degree criminal property damage. The suit — filed by attorney Sark Ohanian — claims Bieber and his hired muscle destroyed the camera together.

All right, we’ve already covered the fact that Justin has a one-way ticket to a crappy reality TV show, ala Vanilla Ice. But to be nice, allow me to pitch him something here. It’s called, “Bieber Fever!” It’s a reality TV show where Justin has to work at a hospital as a registered nurse! Only it’s not a regular hospital: It’s an ebola hospital! Wacky hijinks ensue when Justin actually has to deal with the real world and actual people for a change! Also when he gets ebola! Catch it Sundays at 7PM on Bravo.

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.