WHEN MUSIC POPS, WE TURN IT UP

Please don’t wear racy clothing to The Grammys!

Please don’t wear racy clothing to The Grammys!

Jennifer Lopez

Despite the fact that pop music is basically just G-rated porn with a thin layer of mediocre music laid over it, The Grammys have decided to jump up on their high-horse by proclaiming that everyone must dress up, and has banned any sort of racy clothing (remember Jennifer Lopez‘s barely there green Versace dress?) from the event. Via Deadline:

Date: February 5, 2013, 10:39:56 PM EST
Subject: 55th GRAMMYS: Standard And Practice Wardrobe Advisory

CBS Program Practices advises that all talent appearing on camera please adhere to Network policy concerning wardrobe.

Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered. Thong type costumes are problematic. Please avoid exposing bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack. Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples. Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible “puffy” bare skin exposure. Please avoid commercial identification of actual brand name products on T-shirts. Foreign language on wardrobe will need to be cleared. OBSCENITY OR PARTIALLY SEEN OBSCENITY ON WARDROBE IS UNACCEPTABLE FOR BROADCAST. This as well, pertains to audience members that appear on camera. Finally, The Network requests that any organized cause visibly spelled out on talent’s wardrobe be avoided. This would include lapel pins or any other form of accessory.

The weird thing about this is that literally the only reason anyone cares about pop music is because of butt-cracks, side-boobs and puffy crotches. Seriously, you think little girls everywhere would be sending me death threats for making fun of Justin Bieber if he looked like some sort of bridge troll? Do you think anyone would be listening to Katy Perry if she wasn’t shooting whipped cream out of her boobs? Nope! Pop music is basically Skinemax without the pay-off. Not that there’s anything wrong with being sexy, but pretending that pop music is legitimately good instead of just bland, digestible fluff made infinitely better with pretty people is bull.