Just in case you were worried that Lindsay Lohan was the only member of her family who was impervious to jail time no matter what she did, well guess what? After beating Kate Major for what can only be, like, the one-hundred-billionth time, it looks like Michael Lohan dodged a trip to the big house because there is no God and we live in a crazy upside-down universe where left is right and shoes go in vaginas. RadarOnline reports:
As RadarOnline previously reported, Michael Lohan was arrested for battery domestic violence and was taken into custody in the early hours of Tuesday morning after getting into an argument with former fiance, Kate Major. He had been held in jail ever since and was granted a $5,000 bond on Wednesday after over 24 hours in custody. Judge Walter Heinrich Jr. told the 51-year-old to stay away from Kate, 28, at all costs. “You even dream of her and you’re going to jail,” he said. The judge ordered that Lohan be detained until 6pm ET until the authorities could determine whether a warrant had been issued out of Sarasota County involving a temporary restraining order sought by Major.
So basically, Michael beat his girlfriend, faked a heart attack, then tried to make a break for it when they took his ass to the hospital, and they’re reaction is “well, he has $5,000. Clearly, he’s learned his lesson.” Fuck. Everyone involved with this. So very, very much. I’m not sure what the Lohans have done to be constantly avoiding repercussions for their dumbass actions, but it better have been huge.