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Michael Fassbender to star in ‘Assassin’s Creed’

Michael Fassbender to star in ‘Assassin’s Creed’
Michael Fassbender

Despite the fact that the last movie based on a popular and beloved Ubisoft video game starring a hunky protagonist in specific era of time that used a system wherein the protagonist could never truly die (You know … Prince of Persia?) didn’t really do so well at the box office, it looks like Ubisoft is giving it another go with Assassin’s Creed, which will star Michael Fassbender‘s giant dong. Slashfilm reports:

To do so, they’ve managed to land a guy who could make the project, based on the Assassin’s Creed games, nearly essential viewing. Michael Fassbender, the actor who can jump from serious stuff like Shame and Hunger to tentpoles such as X-Men: First Class and Prometheus, is going to produce and star in the film. There are two existing primary Assassin’s Creed games, with a third set for release this fall. They follow a man named Desmond Miles, but he isn’t really the primary character; rather, a bit of technology allows Desmond to relive “ancestral memories,” which throws the narrative of the first and second games back to the Crusades and Renaissance periods, respectively. (The third is set during the American Revolution.)

Personally, I don’t really see how Michael can convincingly play a mysterious, swarthy man whose known mainly for his large, thrusting appendages that emerge from their sheaths before plunging into others over and over and over and – oh, wait, never mind. I totally get it now. Carry on.

Michael Fassbender