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Martha Stewart has no time for Gwyneth’s GOOP

Martha Stewart has no time for Gwyneth’s GOOP
October 13, 2014 JEREMY FEIST

Gwyneth Paltrow

For the sake of providing you with the full experience for this post, I’m going to leave the Shade Button right here. Everytime you come across THE ULTIMATE SHADE OF IT ALL, hit that thing–make it a treat. Anyway, last month, Martha Stewart laid the rustic, homestyle smackdown on Gwyneth Paltrow when she accused the latter of trying to Single White Female her. Gwyneth tried to play it off by saying that Martha saw her as competition, until Martha got her revenge. Her sweet, sweet, pie-based revenge, by running an article on pie pairings called “Conscious Coupling.” *Hits Shade Button, sips straw passive-aggressively.* Via HuffPo

Oh Martha, you sly little fox. After a year of unleashing increasingly deeper and deeper digs at aspiring lifestyle guru Gwyneth Paltrow, Martha Stewart has now made the coyest of slights in her own magazine. The November issue of Martha Stewart Living, which hits newsstands today, makes a not-so-subtle reference to Paltrow’s infamous “conscious uncoupling” comment, which she made in March 2014 to announce her separation from husband Chris Martin. Take a look at the title of this story — we think it speaks for itself:

Every Thanksgiving table should be blessed with the presence of a long-married pair who bring out the best in each other, are completely enamored despite their differences, and leave every other guest thinking, I’ll have what they’re having. Our holiday pies honor such so there’s a pleasant mix of textures and flavors in every bite. No matter how you slice partnerships, each spotlighting the perfect marriage of crust and filling these six irresistible desserts, there is a whole lot to love.

I’m not going to lie: This actually made me quietly whisper “Ooooooo gurl!” to myself. Quietly though, because I’m at my dad’s house and I don’t want to be the one who overreacts to things I read on the web. But seriously, Martha has been doing this for too f*cking long to be having Shakespeare In Love over there start nipping at her heels. How can she be trying to promote herself as a lifestyle guru when she’s had the same hairstyle since the 90’s? STEP UP YOUR HAIR GAME, GWYNETH.

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.