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Lindsay Lohan wants Charlie Sheen to zip it!

Lindsay Lohan wants Charlie Sheen to zip it!
March 4, 2013 JEREMY FEIST

Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen

For reasons beyond me, Charlie Sheen has made it his new goal to try and turn Lindsay Lohan around, and ooooooooo I just realized that could be misread in so many dirty ways. Can I try that again? Okay, Charlie wants Lindsay to flip herself upside-down, and NOPE, that’s worse. All right, Charlie wants to fix LiLo, to the point where he’s given her hundreds of thousands of dollars to help her turn it around. So of course, after vowing to mentor Lindsay and teach her how to be moderate with her partying, Lindsay told Charlie to shut up. TMZ reports …

Lindsay Lohan is rejecting Charlie Sheen’s offer to mentor her, grousing that she wishes he’d just shut up. Sources close to LiLo tell TMZ … while she appreciates everything Sheen has done for her — and he’s done a lot — she would NEVER take him as a mentor. She’s saying she knows her life is “out of control,” but doesn’t think the precept, “It takes one to know one,” is the way to go. As we first reported … Sheen told TMZ he thinks Lindsay needs a mentor and he believes he’s the man for the job. She says she’s grateful Charlie gave her $100k for her back taxes and supported her in Scary Movie 5. Lindsay says she talks to Charlie from time to time … but gripes he has no business talking about her to the media.

Honey, when someone gives you $100,000 to help keep your ass out of jail, you better listen to every word they say. Are you kidding me? If Charlie Sheen gave me $100,000, I’d just be his live-in slave. What do I care? That’s good pay. I’d clean his pool, wax his floors, put pictures of Chuck Lorre on all his dartboards … I don’t even care, that’s good money.

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.