Oh gosh, who couldn’t see this one coming? Wait, you’re telling me EVERYONE knew this was going to happen because Lindsay Lohan fails in new and exciting ways incomprehensible to the human mind? Get out! Anyway, after Lindsay “allegedly” rammed her car into a truck’s ass and then lied to the police about it, Lindsay reportedly will soon have her probation revoked, and just like that, we will enter stage five of the LiLo screw-up cycle: non-stop courtroom battles. TMZ reports …
Sources connected with the case tell TMZ … when the Santa Monica City Attorney files the criminal case against Lindsay, it will go to L.A. County Superior Court Judge Jane Godfrey for arraignment. At the time Lindsay is arraigned, we’re told Judge Godfrey will revoke Lindsay’s probation and set the matter for a full hearing, on grounds she violated her probation in the jewelry case by breaking the law. In case you’re wondering, the judge who handled the jewelry case, Stephanie Sautner, will not be involved in the probation violation case. Once Lindsay was sentenced, the probation case gets sent to whatever judge is hearing the next criminal case against LiLo.
Wait, are we honestly pretending that Lindsay will actually serve time? I’m pretty sure they’ll just make her walk around inside the revolving door once and then just send her on her way.
Officer: All right, just do one turn and you will have served your jail time.
Lindsay: Okay, I think I can do that. *Grazes the door with her pinkie finger, causing the entire building to explode, releasing all the prisoners.*
Officer: … well, the important thing is you tried.