Lindsay Lohan’s new lawyer is a legal wiz!

Lindsay Lohan and Mark Heller

We’ve spent so much time reporting on how Lindsay Lohan owes even more taxes and apparently can’t sue people for pointing out the fact that she went to jail (like Pitbull), we almost forgot that Lindsay is on trial and probably on her way to jail. So here’s Lindsay’s new lawyer, Mark Heller, trying to have the charges dropped because Lindsay wasn’t read her Miranda rights. Except whoops! Turns out, legally speaking, they never had to do so anyway, which Mr. Heller should have known since he’s supposed to be a lawyer and stuff like that. Anyway, here’s TMZ explaining this mess …

Attorney Mark Heller isn’t getting started off on the right foot. First of all, there was NO need to Mirandize Lindsay since she was not in custody and it’s perfectly legal to question people involved in a car accident without reading them their rights. Lindsay’s problem is that she lied when she said she wasn’t driving the Porsche that crashed last June on Pacific Coast Highway. Sources connected to the case tell us Heller made some huge mistakes in filing the docs — maybe the biggest was that he attached a letter to the prosecutor touting Lindsay — he’s not supposed to try and influence judges outside of court so it’s a huge no-no. We’re told the letter has been purged from his legal docs. Heller calls his papers a “Bill of Particulars” — bizarre and almost unheard of in California courts — which include a motion to suppress evidence, a motion to continue the case and a motion to dismiss charges.

On one hand, holy hell, I can’t believe Lindsay thought this was a good idea. On the other hand, Shawn Holley costs money, whereas Mark represented Jon Gosselin, which should tell you everything you need to know about how this works.

Mark Heller: Are you vaguely famous?
Client: Yes.
Mark Heller: HIRE ME AND MY LUCKY RABBIT’S FOOT!

Jeremy Feist About Jeremy Feist

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.

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