Lindsay Lohan’s ‘lockdown rehab’ doesn’t exist!

Lindsay Lohan

So last week, shortly after Lindsay Lohan was sentenced to 90 days in lockdown rehab, TMZ broke the story that there are no actual lockdown rehabs in New York. So of course, LiLo screwed herself again, except now it’s gotten even worse: According to TMZ, there’s no such thing as lockdown rehab. At all. As in lawyer Mark Heller could have scored Lindsay a plea deal where she spent 90 days driving around on Rainbow Road and it would be about as legit as her lockdown rehab bit.

Lindsay Lohan struck a plea deal she CANNOT fulfill, because TMZ has learned … the lockdown rehab she promised to do is a fiction. Fact is … there appear to be no non-jail rehab facilities that will keep patients in against their will — anywhere in the U.S.. Rehab guru Dr. Drew tells TMZ, “There is no rehab that will hold you against your will, unless they feel the person is a suicide risk, and in that case they can hold the individual for 72 hours.”

So basically, Mr. Heller went into court and said, “Hey can my client be sentenced to something that doesn’t exist?” And the judge was like “Yeah we’re cool with that.” And then Mark said “Are you guys going to actually going to make sure she completes her sentencing?” And the judge presumably said “HOW ARE YOU A LAWYER?” Actually, speaking of Mark sh!tting the bag, he’s currently being investigated over allegations of witness tampering, just in case you thought this situation couldn’t get any worse. Via RadarOnline

“The prosecutor is looking into allegations that Lohan’s attorney, Mark Heller, wanted Gavin to say that the car accident last summer, in which Lindsay was behind the wheel, was actually his fault. Heller allegedly told Gavin to say that photographers were chasing the duo en route to the Liz & Dick set, and he grabbed the steering wheel, causing her to crash into the cement truck driver. “White is taking this very seriously. Heller and Doyle allegedly had the conversation in New York, and White will be turning over his findings to the New York State Bar Association, and other law enforcement, if necessary.”

So basically, Lindsay could have just paid Shawn Holley and not gone to jail, but instead she decided to get an incompetent lawyer who tried to woo the judge with amputated animal feet and amazingly, all that blew up in her face. Smart. Smart girl.

Jeremy Feist About Jeremy Feist

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.

Super Fresh Gossip From Around The Web!

Chris Martin Chris Martin just took off his wedding ring ... and looks happier than ever! Bohomoth
Cutie Jared Leto on living in the South: 'We escaped early on ... it's very oppressive' Celebitchy
Drake finds out what the general public really thinks about him thanks to Kimmel! SOW
We've seen Miley Cyrus' nipples for the past 3 months, so is this really that exciting? The Blemish
Lindsay Lohan is partying over at Coachella ... will she be able to stay sober? ICYDK
Kate Winslet is getting annoyed at people wanting her to sign her nude sketch Celebslam
See reverse perspectives of iconic album covers with 'Dark Side Of The Cover' OMG Blog
Is model Kate Upton close to becoming the new Anna Nicole Smith? Hollywood Tuna
What a better way to start the day then some Josh Henderson (Dallas) hotness? Oh La La
Apparently Tori Spelling cannot give her hubby Dean McDermott enough sex! Evil Beet
Wow ... Brooke Mueller somehow got custody of her twin boys back again! Dlisted