Lindsay Lohan might be screwed after all!

Because Lindsay Lohan is in and out of trouble about as often as Hugh Hefner is in and out of a woman a quarter of his own age, there’s a probation report apparently floating around out there that could seriously fuck up her defense and get her thrown in jail. HA! Please. Lindsay could send our nuclear launch code to the Taliban and the worst punishment they would hand out to her is five minutes on the naughty stool and no ice cream on her pie.

Multiple sources familiar with the probation report tell TMZ … the report — drafted after Lindsay allegedly took the necklace in January — contains something “shocking” and “devastating” against Lindsay.  The info has never been made public and our sources would not divulge specifics — only to say any judge who uses it to determine sentencing would probably throw the book at Lindsay. The stakes are high if Lindsay doesn’t accept Judge Keith Schwartz‘ proposed sentence — which we’re told is 3 months in jail.  If Lindsay decides to fight the charge, Judge Stephanie Sautner would use the report to determine sentencing if she decides Lindsay violated her probation. Lindsay faces more than a year in jail for the probation violation. SOURCE

“Shocking” and “Devastating”? Really? You mean the former alcholic, drug-addicted and possible kleptomaniac may have some sort of darkside? Oh Jesus, I think I need to sit down for a second, the room is spinning from the outright shock. Please, unless the report states that LiLo is actually two small children in a trench coat, I’m not buying it.

Lindsay Lohan

Jeremy Feist About Jeremy Feist

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.

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