Yesterday, I tweeted a joke about how Lindsay Lohan was sentenced to jail for 30 days, but since she’s Lindsay, it’ll only be six days, and since this is California, it’ll only be five minutes. And I laughed and laughed because there’s no way the California penal system is that completely broken, right? Well, it turns out my joke was actually the truth, because it looks like thanks to a bait-and-switch from the sheriff, Lindsay’s jail sentence will pretty much be over and done with in a matter of less than a day. TMZ reports:
The next day, Baca appeared on FOX 11’s Good Day L.A., proclaiming there is indeed room in his jail for Lindsay — and telegraphing to the judge that a jail sentence would be meaningful. But as TMZ first reported, Judge Sautner’s 30-day sentence is — as a practical matter — a joke, because the Sheriff will release her almost immediately — possibly in an hour or two — because of overcrowding. It appears Sautner was unaware of the revolving jail door when she handed down her sentence.
So the sheriff told the judge and everyone else that there is room in jail for Lindsay, except there really isn’t any at all. To put this in simpler terms, imagine what would happen if Bugs Bunny painted a tunnel on the side of a cliff, and then Daffy Duck ran face-first into it and then had to readjust his duck bill before slurring “of course you realize: this means war.” See? I just compared the California legal system to a decades old Looney Toons cartoon and it somehow makes complete sense. Weep for humanity.