Happy Easter Monday, Canada! And I guess to the rest of the world, happy completely inconsequential day. Anyway, hope you all had a nice long weekend, because I’m about to start the week off with a little I-Told-You-So: HA HA! Vindication! Remember how I kept saying that Lindsay Lohan will never go to jail because she gave the devil a handjob? And then she was sentenced to jail time and everyone was all like “Well, guess you were wrong!” Well, get ready to eat a big slice of humble pie, because it looks like Lindsay is already free to go back to acting in terrible movies after she posted bail for her jewelery theft
felony misdemeanor. Somewhere out there, Judge Judy just dug a grave so she could roll in it.
Lindsay Lohan, accused of stealing a necklace, spent five hours in custody before posting a $75,000 bond Friday evening after a judge sentenced her to 120 days in jail for violating her drunk driving probation. Her release from Los Angeles County’s Lynwood Correctional Facility capped a long day that included a victory for the actress when a judge reduced the felony grand theft charge to a misdemeanor. Lohan will remain free on bond while her lawyer appeals the jail sentence for the probation violation, but she must immediately start serving 480 hours of community service, Los Angeles County Superior Court Judge Stephanie Sautner said. SOURCE
Just in case you need a reason to completely lose all hope in the American justice system: Lindsay fulfilled exactly 0.0028935% of her sentence before the court system just said “Fuck it, we got $75,000 out of her, just let her out so she can flash her tits for a role in the John Gotti biopic that was originally meant for Kim Kardashian.” If he saw this, Aristotle would shit himself, then spend two weeks ruminating on how celebrity outranks the law. By which I mean he’d just keep muttering something about “freckled berginas killed the legal system.”