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Lindsay Lohan insists on smoking in rehab!

Lindsay Lohan insists on smoking in rehab!
May 1, 2013 JEREMY FEIST

Lindsay Lohan

So for those of you who didn’t know, Lindsay Lohan is supposed to check into rehab by tomorrow, which … yeah, good luck with that. Gawd knows her previous rehab trips went so well. Anyway, in true Lindsay fashion the poor dumb nutsack is trying to weasel out of her commitment at the last second because she’s worried they won’t let her smoke. Yeah, I know. Can you imagine a rehab that makes you give up your vices? What’s that about? TMZ reports …

Sources close to Lindsay tell TMZ … she doesn’t think she can hack not smoking for 90 days. We’re told Lindsay asked her lawyers to try and convince Seafield to make an exception and, failing that, find a facility that would let her puff away. Sources say Seafield was unbending — no smoking, no exceptions.  So lawyers triggered Plan B — we’ve learned they contacted Morningside Recovery in Newport Beach — a place Lindsay once rehabbed at for a short time in 2010.

So basically, known idiot LiLo is trying to get her lucky rabbit’s foot-toting lawyer to try and convince a judge that hates her to let her go to a more lax rehab center because she doesn’t want to give up her Adderall and cigarettes? No, I’m sure that will work.

Lawyer: Hello judge. Might I say, you look particularly do-able today.
Judge: No, no you may not. What do you want?
Lawyer: My client is about to check into rehab, but it turns out they’re going to make her give up her addictions. We want her to go to a rehab facility that won’t make her do any of that.
Judge: That’s the entire point of rehab. But I’ll humor you: Where do you have in mind?
Lawyer: There’s a Chuck E. Cheese in northern New York that agreed to let her stay in their ball pit.
Judge: Hmmmmmmm, nope. Not happening.

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.