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Lindsay Lohan: In and out of jail in less than five hours

Lindsay Lohan: In and out of jail in less than five hours
November 7, 2011 JEREMY FEIST
Lindsay Lohan

You have to love how we as a society have gotten to the point where Lindsay Lohan can go to jail and almost no one notices. Probably because she’s always going to jail, or being threatened with jail, or avoiding jail by going to rehab and punching nurses in the face. It’s always one of those three options. Anyway, Us Weekly reports that our lady of perpetual screwing-up checked herself into jail last night at 8:50 PM, where she dutifully fulfilled her sentenced time and – oh, wait, no. She was actually out of their by 1:40 in the morning. Yes, LiLo was in and out of jail in less time than it takes to breeze through a season of 30 Rock on DVD in one sitting.

Serving a 30-day sentence related to her most recent probation violation, Lohan was behind bars at the County Regional Detention facility in Lynwood, Calif. for under five hours, thanks to overcrowding. It was the fifth jail sentence overall for Lohan, arrested twice in 2007 for drunk driving. Judge Stephanie Sautner gave the former Disney star her sentence last Wednesday after she missed 14 out of her 19 court-mandated psychotherapy sessions and canceled 12 of her 20 self-appointed downtown women’s center visits. She will avoid serving an additional 270 days in jail if she performs 12 days of community service at the morgue and attends four psychotherapy sessions before December 14.

And just in case you were gullible enough to believe that Lindsay is serious about becoming a productive member of society, now might be a good time to clear the derp out of your head because Page Six reports that the bitch spent the weekend crashing Hollywood parties where she was about as welcome as a washed-up alcoholic coke-whore felon. Oh, wait, haha! That’s not how analogies work! My bad!

A source at the bash told us, “Lindsay was arguing with the security to let her in, dropping every celebrity’s name to get in. She could be heard saying, ‘I have to go and see Leo.’

“Eventually they let her in, but she made everybody uncomfortable. She was aggressive and random, storming around. She tried to get to Leo, but he was surrounded by his security and a posse of his friends.

“Clint and Leo and Dustin Lance Black were talking, and Lindsay sent one of her aides over, demanding to get a photo with them, but security shooed them away.”

Lohan’s rep said, “She did not crash, she was invited by a guest who attended the event. I am not aware of her asking for photos with Leo or Clint. She was never asked to leave.” Reps for DiCaprio and Grazer declined to comment.

Except of course Lindsay’s reps are lying liars who tell lies because everyone knows that begging and lying her way into Hollywood parties so that she can leech off the fame of others is the only thing keeping her from giving back-alley beejers behind Chateau Marmont. Remember, this is the same bitch who demanded that someone move a traffic cone out of her way, her reasoning being “I am Lindsay Lohan.” What’s the over/under on how long it’ll take before she realizes that her saying “I am Lindsay Lohan” has about as much weight to it as “I have that incurable strain of gonorrhea.”

Lindsay Lohan