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Lindsay Lohan has learned nothing from rehab so far!

Lindsay Lohan has learned nothing from rehab so far!
May 22, 2013 JEREMY FEIST

Lindsay Lohan

Ever since the judge in her case realized that there’s no such thing as lockdown rehab and sentenced her to go to actual rehab, Lindsay Lohan has been adamant that not only does she not need professional help, but that she desperately needs Adderall enough that she’ll fly across the country and risk jail time if it means a little more time with her pills. (See how those two statements completely contradict each other? Well, then congratulations on being smarter than a Lohan.) Thankfully, the Betty Ford Center was smart enough to take Lindsay off Adderall and wean her off onto something less addictive, but according to RadarOnline, Lindsay is set on hopping back on the Adderall train as soon as she’s out.

“She has been a bitch on wheels,” the source said of Lilo since she stopped taking the Adderall. “Lindsay is hell bent on getting a refill of her Adderall as soon she leaves Betty Ford. The medication she has been taking for her ADD isn’t working, and she’s constantly complaining about it. Lindsay doesn’t care what the doctors at Betty Ford say about the dangers of Adderall. The source went on to exclusively tell Radar, “She has no chance of staying sober if she starts taking the Adderall again because it’s an amphetamine based drug. For an addict like Lindsay, it’s a trigger for her to use other drugs.”

Sure, LiLo may have derailed her career by acting like an entitled asshole and refusing to adhere to a code of moderation, but I’m sure she knows more about addiction and Adderall usage then a bunch of dumb doctors who spent years in medical colleges. I mean, if I needed open-heart surgery and I had to choose between a trained professional and Lindsay Lohan, I’m sure Lindsay would do a way better job than an actual physician. “Everything I learned about medicine, I learned by playing an emulator of Dr. Mario!” she’d say, as she shoved multi-color pills down a patient’s throat until they died.

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.