I’ve been writing for PopBytes for almost three years now, and one of the things that has consistently amazed me is the talent of Lindsay Lohan‘s lawyer, Shawn Holley. I don’t know how she does it, but the woman is a certifiable legal genius. That is the only explanation for why Lindsay isn’t currently bartering cigarettes for toilet paper in jail, even when she is clearly doing everything she possibly can to put herself in that situation. Thankfully, in the immortal struggle between Lindsay’s infinite capacity to screw up and Holley’s endless supply of legal sorcery, Lindsay’s derpitude has finally won out … she fired Shawn Holley and replaced her with some guy named Mark Heller. GENIUS. TMZ reports …
Lohan is facing criminal prosecution in both California and New York. Attorney Mark Heller is repping Lindsay in the NYC assault case. Shawn Holley was repping LiLo in L.A. in her multiple criminal cases — most recently the car crash where she allegedly lied to cops. It’s a stunning development — given that Holley has taken heat for being too effective, keeping Lindsay out of the pokey in the jewelry heist case as well as several probation violation cases. And she’s almost magically made some criminal investigations disappear.
Sources connected with the L.A. prosecution of Lindsay tell TMZ … Heller — who according to the New York Times has been called a “menace to the public” by some lawyers — sent a letter to Holley saying he was now repping her on all criminal matters. Bad timing on Lindsay’s part, because sources tell us … Holley was literally on her way to the courthouse when Heller sent his letter — she was trying to negotiate yet another sweet settlement for Lindsay in the lying-to-cops case.
Great move, Lindsay. You fired the smartest person in California and replaced her with what appears to be the lawyer from every daytime TV ad you’ve ever seen. Seriously, if this Heller guy doesn’t have ad space on Maury, I will eat an entire ficus tree. Either way, congratulations LiLo … just when I thought you had all but exhausted every method of tanking your own career, you finally found its weak spot!