Lindsay Lohan just fired her lawyer Shawn Holley!

Lindsay Lohan and lawyer Shawn Holley

I’ve been writing for PopBytes for almost three years now, and one of the things that has consistently amazed me is the talent of Lindsay Lohan‘s lawyer, Shawn Holley. I don’t know how she does it, but the woman is a certifiable legal genius. That is the only explanation for why Lindsay isn’t currently bartering cigarettes for toilet paper in jail, even when she is clearly doing everything she possibly can to put herself in that situation. Thankfully, in the immortal struggle between Lindsay’s infinite capacity to screw up and Holley’s endless supply of legal sorcery, Lindsay’s derpitude has finally won out … she fired Shawn Holley and replaced her with some guy named Mark Heller. GENIUS. TMZ reports …

Lohan is facing criminal prosecution in both California and New York. Attorney Mark Heller is repping Lindsay in the NYC assault case. Shawn Holley was repping LiLo in L.A. in her multiple criminal cases — most recently the car crash where she allegedly lied to cops. It’s a stunning development — given that Holley has taken heat for being too effective, keeping Lindsay out of the pokey in the jewelry heist case as well as several probation violation cases. And she’s almost magically made some criminal investigations disappear.

Sources connected with the L.A. prosecution of Lindsay tell TMZ … Heller — who according to the New York Times has been called a “menace to the public” by some lawyers — sent a letter to Holley saying he was now repping her on all criminal matters. Bad timing on Lindsay’s part, because sources tell us … Holley was literally on her way to the courthouse when Heller sent his letter — she was trying to negotiate yet another sweet settlement for Lindsay in the lying-to-cops case.

Great move, Lindsay. You fired the smartest person in California and replaced her with what appears to be the lawyer from every daytime TV ad you’ve ever seen. Seriously, if this Heller guy doesn’t have ad space on Maury, I will eat an entire ficus tree. Either way, congratulations LiLo … just when I thought you had all but exhausted every method of tanking your own career, you finally found its weak spot!

Jeremy Feist About Jeremy Feist

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.

Super Fresh Gossip From Around The Web!

Madonna "Two Steps Behind Me" Lady Gaga Diss Track Madonna disses Lady Gaga on her rumored upcoming track "Two Steps Behind Me" The Blemish
Adam Levine feels 'slightly more masculine, more like a man' now that he's married Celebitchy
Beyoncé and Jay Z's Labor Day PDA puts an end to those rampant divorce rumors! PopSugar
Oh Dear: Girls' Lena Dunham Instagrammed a photo of herself just as she woke up ... SOW
Truth: Courtney Stodden will never come close to being a legend like Marilyn Monroe! ICYDK
Hacked: The greatest celebrity nude photo leak of all time is now upon us all! Celebslam
Start your week out right ... listen to Nicki Minaj's "Anaconda" (The Fart Remix) OMG Blog
Want to see naked photos from the celebrity cellphone hack of the century? Hollywood Tuna
Matthew Terry is the ultimate Calvin Klein model ... from jeans to underwear–hot! Oh La La
Ugh: Jenny McCarthy and Donnie Wahlberg simply could not wait to get married! Evil Beet
Baby North West has already totally mastered an expert-level 'over it' expression ... Dlisted