WHEN MUSIC POPS, WE TURN IT UP
WHEN MUSIC POPS, WE TURN IT UP

Lindsay Lohan is borrowing cash from Ashton Kutcher?

Lindsay Lohan is borrowing cash from Ashton Kutcher?

Lindsay Lohan and Ashton Kutcher

Yesterday, Sara Leal allegedly revealed that a “mystery friend” of hers had pictures of Ashton Kutcher, which allegedly proved that Ashton is cheating on Mila Kunis. Allegedly. Well, here’s a report from National Enquirer stating that Lindsay Lohan is somehow allegedly squeezing money out of Ashton like a cash sponge, which I’m sure has no relation to yesterday’s story.

Sources say the two had a brief fling years ago, so Ashton feels obligated to let Lindsay treat him like her own personal cash machine! Although their brief romance was never serious, “Ashton has always had a soft spot in his heart for her, and Lindsay totally exploits it,” said a source. “She has been asking to borrow hundreds of dollars at a time with the promise to pay him back ‘in a couple of weeks.’ Ashton knows he’s never going to see the money again, but he’s very loyal,” continued the source. “Even to a train wreck like Lindsay.”

At this point, the only thing more mysterious then how Lindsay has managed to tank her personal finances is how she managed to earn money in the first place. Seriously, if you told me she made a sex tape with Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster and was selling it to aliens, I’d completely believe it. I mean really … Lindsay? Actually holding down an honest job by the virtue of her professionalism? HA! Oh you. No, it was horny aliens. Horny aliens give LiLo money.

JEREMY FEIST
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.