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Lindsay Lohan vows to stay sober at Coachella

Lindsay Lohan vows to stay sober at Coachella
April 12, 2013 JEREMY FEIST

So yesterday, my internet decided to spend the day blowing itself while my boyfriend and I tried calling Bell so that we could get it up and running. After twelve hours and one lie that there was a “service outage” (there was no service outage) I finally managed to bitch my way up to one of the higher-ups who proceeded to fix our internet in all of ten minutes. So basically, we spent twelve hours trying to fix something that should have taken a few minutes, so you can thank Bell for the lack of updates yesterday. Thanks assholes!

Lindsay Lohan

Anyway, I’m back today so I can talk about how Lindsay Lohan swears she’s going to stay sober at Coachella, as if that were physically possible. TMZ reports …

Lindsay Lohan is going on her yearly pilgrimage to a place where drugs and alcohol are as plentiful as Botox in Bev Hills … but she SWEARS she’ll stay clean. Lindsay is telling friends … she doesn’t care about all the snipers who are scoffing at the recidivist rehabber — she says she’s not living her life for other people. LiLo insists she’s going for the music and wants to have some fun — just like last year (above) — before checking into the rehab facility for a 90-day stay.

We’re talking about the same Lindsay, right? Like, this isn’t some other LiLo who lives in Columbus, Ohio who also happens to be going Coachella to, right? Because I’m pretty sure the Lindsay Lohan could get drunk going to church. “What do you mean we were supposed to share the wine with everyone? *Punches nun* Now which stage is A$AP Rocky playing on?”

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.