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Lindsay Lohan: Staying sober FOREVER!

Lindsay Lohan: Staying sober FOREVER!
May 16, 2011 JEREMY FEIST
Lindsay Lohan

… and by forever, I mean like five minutes. Okay, one minute. Thirty seconds? Is it possible to be sober for NEGATIVE seconds? Anyway, after getting barely a slap across the wrists for violating her probation, Lindsay Lohan is swearing up and down that she’ll never drink, do drugs, or break the law ever again. You know, because when she said it the first dozen times, she didn’t really mean it, but this time she’s totally serious or something.

Sources close to Lindsay tell TMZ, the actress had an epiphany after her sentencing — and is completely at peace with the judge’s decision … community service, fines, counseling, shoplifters alternative class … the whole package. Technically, Lindsay is REQUIRED to stay sober during her formal probation — which ends after she completes her 480 hours of community service — but we’re told, it doesn’t matter … Lindsay’s committed to sobriety for the long haul. SOURCE

Just try and remember here: This is the same girl who said she wanted to win an Oscar by the time she was 30, so maybe she’s just lowering people’s expectations.

Lindsay: I’m gonna win an Oscar!
Everyone: HA! Yeah, like that’ll happen.
Lindsay: All right fine, I’m going to stay clean and sober for the rest of my life then.
Everyone: Here’s some gold polish for your Oscar. Want us to build you a trophy case too?

Lindsay Lohan