WHEN MUSIC POPS, WE TURN IT UP
WHEN MUSIC POPS, WE TURN IT UP

Kris Humphries wants an annulment!

Kris Humphries wants an annulment!

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries

While it’s nice to see the media finally catching up to us on the whole “Kim Kardashian has faked every meaningful moment in her life for money and attention” thing, I gotta say, the way they breathlessly sputter over each and every new act of famewhoring Kim gets herself into is really starting to just seem quaint and naive. For example, Kris Humphries is trying to file for annulment from his marriage to Kim, claiming that he was just a pawn for her to use for her show to bring in ratings. No shit. What was your tip-off there, sweetums? The $18 Million paycheck she got from the whole thing, or the TV cameras everywhere, or the fact that E! wrote the whole thing? TMZ reports:

We’re told Kris believes Kim never intended to stay married to him, but needed a groom to fuel ratings for her show. One source says, “Once they were finished taping, she just didn’t need a groom anymore.” Kris is telling people he feels like a pawn in the game. And, we’re told, Kris is outraged by people who think he was in on the wedding scam — according to one friend, “He would have never flown in his childhood pastor to marry them and involve his church.”

Christ, that took him long enough to figure out, didn’t it? Look, I’m sure that at some point he figured that this whole thing really was love and all, but you kinda have to remember, Kim only feels things when they call for it in the script. And even then, she can’t do it very well. Usually, they producers have to tase the nerve endings in her face until they form some sort of flesh mask that vaguely resembles human emotion. If you think that’s bad, you should see how they make her cry. I won’t go into detail, but it requires a hazmat suit, because Kim’s fake tears have been known to kill all livestock within a two mile radius.

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries