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Kris Jenner talks about those Bruce Jenner rumors …

Kris Jenner talks about those Bruce Jenner rumors …
February 4, 2014 JEREMY FEIST

Bruce Jenner

After Bruce Jenner did the sensible thing and split from evil itself, otherwise known as Kris Jenner, rumors started going around that Bruce was transgender. Mostly because he is a very, very pretty man. Anyway, Kris is now saying that those rumours are untrue and made up by the tabloids, so just assume what she meant to say was “I made them up and sold them to the tabloids.”

The tabloids put Bruce Jenner through the rumor mill after clips of Keeping Up With the Kardashians showed the patriarch with long manicured nails. Now ET special correspondent Cheryl Woodcock sat down with her good friend Kris Jenner getting her to set the record straight. “Ninety-nine percent of the stuff in the tabloids is made up,” said Kris, who was married to Bruce for 22 years before their separation in October. “I think when he gets his nails buffed they put clear [nail polish],” said Kris. “The bottom line is we sell magazines.” SOURCE

Well, actually you barely sell magazines, and they’re becoming increasingly less willing to put you and your awful spawn on their covers. But that’s beside the point. The point is, never trust anything Kris says. For you see, Kris is demon of times past, a hollowed-out shell of a human being filled with lies and insects. And collagen. SO MUCH COLLAGEN.

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.