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WHEN MUSIC POPS, WE TURN IT UP

Kris Jenner sent reviewer Linda Stasi a pen …

Kris Jenner sent reviewer Linda Stasi a pen …
July 18, 2013 JEREMY FEIST

Kris Jenner

The other day, Linda Stasi wrote a scathing review of Kris Jenner‘s new daytime talk show. Well, actually the review was entirely fair, because Kris’ show really is a f**king garbage heap, so calling it out as such isn’t so much “scathing” as it is “completely justified.” Anyway, in response to Stasi’s review, Kris allegedly sent her a Tiffany pen so that she could write a better review next time.

Honestly, I’m not sure if that’s really a bribe. I mean really, ooooooooh a pen. How awesome. No, I’m more inclined to assume that this is like that button from Drag Me To Hell.

Kris: Hey sis! Long time no see! How are the kids?
Lamia: FANTASTIC! I JUST LAID ANOTHER BATCH OF EGGS IN THE RIVERS OF INNOCENT BLOOD. THAT HATCHLINGS SHALL FEAST ON THE CORPSE OF HOPE.
Kris: Ha ha! That sounds nice. Kim just had her baby too! Anyway, I need you to take care of this reviewer for me …
Lamia: SAY NO MORE. HER SOUL SHALL BE FOREVER MINE IN THREE NIGHTS.
Kris: Great! Well, tell the nieces and nephews I say hi. We should do brunch sometime.
Lamia: OH, I’VE SIMPLY BEEN DYING FOR A GOOD BRUNCH. I CAN DO ANYWHERE THAT’S GLUTEN-FREE. YOU KNOW HOW WHITE FLOWER GOES STRAIGHT TO MY EIGHT THIGHS.

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.