Kim Kardashian got a vampire facial?

Because one day, the ravages of time will fall upon Kim Kardashian, and the hungry wolf of death will lap at her doorstep as the shrunken, dead-eyed husk that was once Kim sits inside, a veil of regret enveloping her like a swarm of ravenous scarabs as she dissipates into nothingness — Merry Christmas, everyone! — Kim has to make sure she keeps looking young and fresh! Except according to EntertainmentWise, Kim may have taken it a bit too far, undergoing something called a “Vampire Facial” in order to maintain that weird, constipated cat-face she’s known for.

The curvy reality TV star, who is known for her flawless features and wrinkle free skin, is said to have had the treatment, which involves “platelet-rick plasma” that is “rubbed onto her face”. A source told InTouch Weekly: “After that, they did something called needling, where all these little needles prick the skin and let the platelets seep in. It was so gross!” With teenage sisters Kendall and Kylie Jenner battling their older siblings for the spotlight it’s not a surprise that Kim is trying to maintain her youthful good looks.

So if I understand this right (I don’t) Kim is a Nosferatu now? Super. On the plus side, now she can’t go out in the day, so that cuts her famewhoring time by, like, 50%. On the other hand, the only thing worse than a normal Kim is one that will live forever, so we need to get Buffy on this dumb vampire ASAP. Actually … is it possible to disguise holy water as pee? She can just take care of herself that way!

Kim Kardashian

Jeremy Feist About Jeremy Feist

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.

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