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Kim Kardashian’s marriage will last forever!

Kim Kardashian’s marriage will last forever!
October 12, 2011 JEREMY FEIST
Kim Kardashian

… and by “forever”, I mean “about four months, tops”. Anyway, on Kim’s Fairytale Wedding (which really should have been called Slutty Assbeast Shrieks Like A Demonic Harpy For Four Hours, but I guess that’s why I’m not an E! Executive) Kris Humphries farts in Kim Kardashian‘s face, and then they get into a fight because Kim doesn’t want to change her last name to Humphries because being a Kardashian is a major business, rather than a family. Us Weekly reports:

After Kim broke the news that she wasn’t going to change her last name to Humphries, the duo finally reached their boiling point. “I just wish that you would be a little bit more down to earth about the wedding process,” Humphries said.

“I live in a different world. I was definitely raised in a different world than like — yeehaw! — Minnesota, and that’s fine,” Kardashian said.

“Four years ago you sold clothes in a boutique in the Valley,” Humphries snapped, referring to Kardashian’s work in retail at her D-A-S-H store in Calabasas, Calif. “Now, like all the sudden, you’re miss princess!”

“You knew what you were getting into, with my work ethic,” she said. “Keeping the Kardashian name is a business decision. If you don’t understand that, then that’s a problem for me.”

Because really, this is all Kim’s marriage (and her entire life) is: one carefully calculated business plan meant to sell you nothing for everything. There’s no real substance to Kim. She’s just neat little package you can buy and play with for a little while. I’d say that I hope her marriage tanks because she’s an opportunistic skank who married for the sake of a buck rather than love, but I’m afraid she’d just turn that into another TV show. So we can all look forward to Kim’s Fairytale Divorce, coming this spring to E!

Kim Kardashian